One With Them

Being asked to pray for someone is one thing, being asked to pray for someone who is persecuted daily is another.

Our church has asked us to gather with "The Persecuted Church" - churches around the world, in countries where Christianity is hated and people seek to destroy believers, and just pray for them. "For where two or three gather in my name, there I am with them." Matthew 18:20.

So, I wanted to blog about this 7 day experience of what we are asked to pray about, what emotions flow from this, and the power of prayer when you pray for something greater than yourself.

What is really great about this is before I went to church this morning I sat in my quiet time with God and just asked him to open my heart to what he wants from me. I felt compelled to open to one of my favorite books in the bible, 1 Samuel. As I began to read Chapter 1 my heart began to open to the words God wanted me to read... the first passage is about Hannah and her grief and anguish in her weakness (hers is the inability to have a child). Her misery and despair is evident in her countenance and in that she begins to weep bitterly and seeks after God with raw emotion. As she prays, she prays from her heart, pouring out her soul to the Lord. Through this God showed me how he wants me to pray, that he wants me to be more intimate, more real, more emotional in my prayers with him. Sometimes I put on a presence of strength and even with God I hide my grief... yet he still knows my heart.

In this it was evident that God wants me to be real in this challenge to pray for 7 days for the persecuted church. So I will be sharing my prayers and feelings with you over this journey. If you feel compelled to join in the prayers, I beg you to join in without hesitation. Let's gather together and lift up those who have stepped out for our Lord, those who are brave and seek and desire to please him... even if it means their life is at stake. 

*Day 1*

Pray Matthew 5:11-12, 44-45 for the persecuted church. Pray that those who are persecuted will bless those who insult them and rejoice that they are worthy to suffer for Christs name. Pray that they will love their enemies and pray for them, following Christ's example.

Heavenly Father, 

As I sit here in comfort, in warmth, in safety, I humbly pray for my brothers and sisters in Christ whom are persecuted. Lord you have broken me, my heart, and for that desperate emotion pours forth, urgency arises as I pray from the depths of my heart. 

I pray that through persecution they draw closer to you, although stones are hurled and flesh is beaten, those who seek only to let your name be known find comfort in your arms. Lord, that this worldly selfishness and fear gives way to the strength only your spirit can provide. From the inside out protect them. From their souls, their hearts, their minds. Allow them to fight back with a loving heart, encouraging words, and a light in their eyes that lets others know your spirit has filled them. That through this love, not a worldly love, but a supernatural love, enemies will be brought to their knees, hearts will change, souls will be won over in your name. As they live out your example Lord, loving enemies, serving those who persecute them, that in the end your kingdom is glorified.  

Lord, break our hearts for what breaks yours. Let us feel the burden of their pain and lift them up so that you will allow them to feel the love from other Christians even if it is miles away and from someone they do not know. 

As we gather in your name to pray for spiritual strength and spiritual comfort for those who are persecuted, remind us that there is no one holy like you, that there is no Rock like our God. For you break the bows of warriors, and you bring death and make life. Nothing can hinder you from saving, whether by many or by few Lord. 

I am in this with you Lord, with my whole heart and soul. 

Amen.

Mercy.

How do you show mercy to someone who is undeserving?

How do you show mercy when someone has embarrassed you, humiliated you, stepped over their boundaries and is constantly trying to crush you?

How do you identify that God wants you to show love, to be generous, and to show grace and mercy?!

All I can think of is that is exactly what God has done for me. He has shown me grace, mercy, and love when I am least deserving. But he is God! He is capable of such things and I am a human and frustration, anger, and hatred are a quick and easy find. How do you show mercy to someone who is undeserving of even your thoughts or time, or showing someone who would love nothing better than to see you out the door grace? It seems nearly an impossible feat!

I was running today and as I was running up the biggest hill the song "Boasting" by Lecrae came on. I was really listening to the lyrics to get my mind off the burn in my legs and the shortness of breath when I heard

"Glory was solely meant for you, doing what no one else could do.
With All I have to give,  I'll use my life, I'll use my lips. 
I'll only glory in your Word. What gift to me I don't deserve.
I'll live in such a way that it reflects to you my praise."

How is it that God knows exactly what you need to hear, right when you're thirsty for it? I need to live my life in such a way that reflects his praise... I don't deserve his glory but he bestows it on me anyway so I need to turn to him and accept this gift by showing him that I can be a light for him on this Earth, a place full of suffering and darkness, a place where anger is fed and hopelessness quickly devours souls. 

Mercy. compassion or forgiveness shown toward someone whom it is within one's power to punish or harm.

Mercy. Not a feeling. An Action. A verb. 

Mercy. It's what I need to do.

Visiting Orphans

I do not really know what to write about. Maybe that is it. Maybe my heart knows what it wants to write but my mind is still unsure. 

In every persons life there comes  a moment where they are asked to take a leap of faith.  A moment where you almost question yourself because the leap is so big, the drop so deep, and the other edge.... so far. Sometimes this moment may seem  minute to others looking in but to you it's a life pivoting moment and the pressure and stress is overwhelming but the joy that you know it holds is so comfoting.  However,  the other side of that is the what ifs.  

What if I don't do it?

What if I do?

What if it changes who I am?

What if after this moment, I can never go back to who I was, who I have been?

That moment for me is Visiting Orphans International. A mission trip where you travel across land and seas to hold babies in your arms. HOLD BABIES IN YOUR ARMS.

I'm really excited for this, especially since my husband's heart and mine are filled with the hope of one day adopting our own (with or without a disability). 

As I go through this great adventure please say a prayer. That I am landed right where I need to be, right where God wants me.  Please.

the word "in"

Sometimes your days do not turn out like you want them to.

Sometimes life does not either.

Sometimes moments pass us by...

                               while others consume us.

Sometimes tears fall and words fly.

Sometimes forgiveness comes....

                               while other times we let it die inside.



As I sit here in front of this overly bright screen I am pondering this evenings  events, fighting  off medicine that is beckoning sleep,  and trying to sort out the words in the  verse that jumped out at me tonight....

Earlier this evening (okay maybe  30 minutes ago) Adam and I got into a little (way little) tiff that made me upset. I went and sulked in my bed, a big 3 year old I am, and he went and took (and  is still taking) a shower. As I lay in my  bed, brooding over the thoughts of how rude he was and how I just won't talk to him tonight, my  eyes  set gaze on a devotional I picked up at church this past Sunday.

So I opened it up and of course the first line would read in nice bold printed italicized words....

 "Forgiving each other, just as... God forgave you." 

Ugh! Okay... well, I already picked it up might as well finish it... three reads later and a bible open to the actual verse and here I am typing away on my computer.

These are the words that were profound in the devotional:

• The power of forgiveness is an awesome thing.
• ...forgiveness sets both sides free...
• The truth is, it is easier to forgive an enemy you seldom see than a loved one you have to live with every day.
• ...deal with the issue without attacking the person...

Great! Right? No... not even close... the verse blew me away.

Ephesians 4:32 says this... Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

read it again...

Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God  forgave you.

AGAIN.

Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as IN Christ God forgave you.

IN CHRIST....

1. his son's death
2. his son's torment
3. torture
4. the hardest thing a parent could do

IN this.... in all of this God  still forgave you. He forgave you, he forgave me.... and IN THIS... in this.

Tears just pour down my eyes in humiliation, because 1. Adam did hardly anything wrong and 2.... I'm sure I have yet to forgive things not nearly as bad as what God has forgiven me for... for placing my sins on his son, placing my filth, my shame, every sin.  Yet, I sit here forgiven...  without forgiving.

God's compassion, his kindness forgave me for the worst thing that could ever happen... his son's death because of me.

Through this the next verse (Eph. 5:1) says this... "be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children and live a life of love..."

 a life full of love not hate. 

A life that reeks of forgiveness, not bitterness.

A life that bursts at the seems with God's grace.... 

*** 

Lord, this is where I have  failed you. I hold bitterness in my heart. I let myself die with it inside, but Lord I want to die to this idea, to a better one. A life of me imitating you... in the workplace, in the home, in the city, and alone. Lord... let me be overwhelmed by your presence and when I am not let me crave it ever more. Your beauty does not fade and your light is not hidden. Shine on me. Shine on me so I can shine onto others because this is where I have failed you. I let darkness overcome but where there is light there is no darkness so shine on me. 

Forgive me, and shine on me.

Amen.

Sour Cream & Onion

This past month has been so hectic. I feel like I finally had time to breathe. Over these last few weeks I have been just trying to get paperwork in order and on Friday I decided I really needed a weekend so I took nothing home from work (except my computer so it wouldn't magically disappear). It was a rough weekend... sadly enough. I finally came to the realization that I had to face something that was way overdue. So after a lot of "discussing", my husband and I finally sat down and talked. Face to face. We decided that we needed to figure out a way to communicate, to get things done, and to just stop stressing out about our relationship. Yes! Don't get me wrong, things are good... really good, but sometimes you run into these moments where it's not right. A bump in the road, I guess you can say. So anyway... we sat down and we had an agenda. Haha! We made sure we hit every subject:

1. Finances (past weeks overview, this weeks budget and yearly goals)
2. Schedule this week (where will you be)
3. Chores (Who cleans what, who cooks when)
4. Prayers (family and friends)
5. Goals (yearly goals and how to get there -- 3 for each of us where 2 are personal and one is the spouses goal for the other person)
6. Then our weekly questions (found off of someone else's blog)
• How did you feel loved this past week?
• What does your upcoming week look like? (not schedule, emotional)
• How would you feel most loved and encouraged in the days ahead?
• How would you best feel pursued in intimacy this week?
• How can I pray for you this week?

So yes.... this is a lot of private information, but I think that it can help someone else, maybe. 

After we sat down and talked through all of this I felt like my love cup (since one on one time and conversation are two of my biggest needs) was overflowing. We were forced to w-a-l-k through these questions and really see how the other person felt. We were able to take responsibility for our home and divide the burdens evenly and willingly. We felt like a team and that little bump in the road that seemed to throw us off had been crossed over. Even better, we were back on the same spiritual connection that had been missing hidden behind mounds of homework and computer screens.

Isn't it funny how little things in life are just so big sometimes. Adam was telling me today that it is so amusing how we get excited about little things (sour cream & onion chips). We couldn't wait to eat sandwiches for dinner because we had these amazing chips!! It was so minute, but we were thrilled.  A lot like this agenda and fae to face conversation we had. We found a way to take pride in each other and our home. It was a little thing that made a huge difference.

God reminds us to enjoy things like this, moments of joy, moments of happiness.  

A joyful heart is good medicine. Proverbs 17:22 

Out of the Box

"Holy spirit you are welcome here,

come flood this place and fill the atmosphere.

Your glory God is what our hearts long for,

to be overwhelmed by your presence Lord."

Sometimes, I think that I put God in a box. A very small box. I ask God to fill his presence in my home, and at church. That's about it. I can just see me now with my little finger talking at God like he is a child, 

"Now... you cannot go into the formal living room or dining room unless I ask you or really need you to. But, you can always enter into the mud room and the play room but that's it. Okay, now go. Fill your presence in those rooms."

How wrong was I? How wrong have I been? God, overwhelm me while I am at church. Overwhelm me while I am doing a bible study. Just, don't interfere with my daily life. There comes the box again. Drawing lines for the creator of the universe. 

When I started this blog I was so excited about my new teaching job. Well, the summer has passed and HERE I AM! School starts in one week from today and I have this overwhelming feeling of excitement to meet my students, parents, and co-teachers. Yet, today I felt God make me take a step back and breathe. I felt like he was telling me... no let me rephrase that, I know he was telling me my purpose. To be his light to my students, to work for him, to pray for my colleagues, students, and my students parents. This is a big burden, I thought... and then this song was being sung... "Holy spirit you are welcome here, come flood this place and fill the atmosphere." and I thought, wow! God you want to follow me to work? And he said no. 

No? Well, okay maybe I am just making things up... then God does this little pause thing with me because my mind works like 100 miles per minute so he stops until I stop and silence myself. Then he continues, I want you to follow me at work. 

Follow you? 

God wants me to follow him. 

Like the "Follow me and I will make you fishers of men" kind of follow. And not just follow him he wants me to pray that his presence fills this place. 

Now, there is this whole ordeal of taking God out of schools. I get that. Right? Well, my God is telling me that I need to cross over those lines and bring him into my classroom, to invite his spirit in and to pray over my classroom and school. No, I won't be breaking any laws... I won't be "preaching" to my students but you know what! When someone looks at me they are going to see a difference because I am praying now as I write this and tomorrow when I go to school and every day there after, that I make a difference for God. On my hardest days I will remember that I am working for the Lord and not for people (Col 3:23), that  on the days that seem to be the craziest that I know for a fact in my heart that my God will NEVER leave me (Hebrews 13:5), on days when the world is screaming my name I will be still and remember who my king is and that he IS God! (Psalm 46:10).  This may seem impossible to some and sometimes I think it is impossible for me, but God told us once and I will tell you again that if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain move from here to there and it will move! (Matt 17:20). 

There went my mind at 100 miles per hour. Hope you caught it all. 

So I will follow God. I will invite the holy spirit into places that will shatter the box I put him in. My heart longs to sing the glory of God. I want to be that light because we were created to bring glory to God. (Romans 11:36) and not just bring him glory but put it on full display for everyone to see.

Red Light

Sometimes  life can be overwhelming. Rushed with  deadlines, meetings, early  mornings ending with late nights. Read this book. Review this  paper. Cook dinner. Do dishes, laundry, clean the house. Work on a relationship. Feed the dog. Workout.  Organize paperwork.  Pay the bills....  whew.  Rushed.

How  many times  do  we just work our  way out of a  relationship with God?

God: "Why didn't you spend  time with me today?"
Us: "Oh... I was just too busy.?
God "Too busy for Me?"
Us: "Yeah, you know like I had to do the laundry, dishes, work, walk the pets, feed the family, do groceries, budget, bills, catch up on The Housewives of Orange County, workout, make a new playlist, and beat that level of Angry Birds. You know...  I was really busy today. Maybe Sunday we can spend  time together."
God:  "Just 1 hour on Sunday?"
Us: "Yeah, that's all the time I've got in my planner, I can  probably squeeze you in 15 seconds before each meal if that is okay, unless I am with friends. Is that okay?"
God: "No."
Us: "Well, I'm sorry I just don't have time God. All this awesome stuff you gave me I have to deal with  now...  so I'm kind of stuck. It's not my fault I have  to keep up  with all of this. You're the one that gave it to me."

Hmm...  sound like you, maybe a little extreme but think about it. How much time do you really spend with God. I realized this today while I was out in nature on a trail run listening to "Rooftops"  by Jesus Culture. How much time do we really spend with the one  who gave us life, not just here on earth but  has  offered  us   life for eternity? He didn't have to, but he did.

I am so humbled by a God who could easily tell me he is too busy dealing with a billion other people to pay attention to me, but he doesn't. I am so humbled by a God who has other universes to deal with but offers to love me and hold me in his hand.  I am humbled by  the thought that he  doesn't just love me he cares enough to clothe me, feed me, and go even further and count every hair on my head and every cell on my body.

How can I not have enough time for him?

How can I not sit at his feet every day and offer my all?

How can I not turn the TV off, the game off, the music off and open his word?

I want to know God more, I want to know him as much as I can on this earth so that when I fall to my face at his feet in heaven I will not bring a tear to his eye. I want him to say "Well  done,  my good and faithful servant. My follower. My child. Come here and live with me FOREVER.  For you not only believed, you followed. For you not only followed, you were consumed by me. You craved every drop I had to offer and you poured it out only to be filled again. Come here."

That is what I want...  I don't want to be consumed by the business of this world.

Neither should you.

Take a  moment and look at your life. How is  it? Is it balanced? If it is balanced that's not good.  It should lean only one way ... it should lean toward God. You should be overflowing with him.

God didn't have to give you life, but he did.
You may  say you believe in him but do you follow him? Do you allow yourself to be filled up with his life, his  light?

(Pics are from Pinterest)