The Broken Shepherd Boy

Something in you breaks when the Shepherd boy falls to the floor and cracks in half. Something about the symbol of humility separated into two pieces pulls on your heart strings as you pick him up in your hands.

Then as if it fell with a purpose, the little damaged boy reminds you of the True Shepherd's mission when he stepped into this world. It reminds you that his body was broken, cracked, and pierced to save his Father's sheep.

Tears swell up in my eyes as I see the beauty in this brokenness held in the palm of my hand. Yet, another whisper from Jesus saying, "This is why I came."

As I set him down my eyes examine the shepherd boy protectively holding his sheep, a tear slips from my eye, and there right behind him the word JOY speaks loudly catching my attention, as if to be crying out "FIND JOY! FIND JOY!"

And so I do.
I begin to search for the beauty.
I find it and quickly snap pictures.
I engulf myself in this process of seeking because the King came to this earth as a baby, grew up as shepherd, and allowed his body to be broken for our sins.
Then three days later he was alive.
So in his birth and in his resurrection I will find JOY.

My sweet Mister putting up the lights <3!!

The paper ornaments waiting expectantly to be placed
on the Jesse Tree during advent.

When Peace Passes All Understanding and Joy is Immeasurable

Have you ever been to the point in your life where you step into a season that beckons anxiety, frustration, and anger? A season that expects sadness, uncontrollable tears, and constant fear?

Adam and I are there, in the midst of it. We dove into a season that says, "Let me drown you with worry! Let my anxiety bring destruction to your soul!" Yet, we stopped the moment we noticed the battle. Two days in to this season we called it for what it was, a blessing! A blessing to say, "Jesus we give this to you. Jesus we trust you. Jesus we love you."

He told us in the spoken word - Cast all your cares upon me. [from 1 Peter 5:7]

Cast the cares of adoption.
Cast the cares of money.
Cast the cares of support.
Cast the cares of timing.
Cast the cares of paperwork.

Cast ALL your cares upon me.
Why?
Because I care for you. 

I care about your adoption.
I care about the funding.
I care about the support.
I care about the timing.
I care about the paperwork.

Commit to me. Trust me. I will do this. [from Psalm 37:5]

Commit to my plan and I will establish yours. [Proverbs 16:3]
Trust me and you will not be shaken. [Psalm 55:22]

Is he not good? Is he not faithful?


Once we acknowledged the truth of what Jesus had whispered to us, once we willingly laid it in his hands, a peace that surpasses all understanding during a time in which we should be broken and afraid shined a light and exclaimed "DO NOT FEAR!" So here we kneel humbly, full of joy because our Jesus will fulfill His promise with His timing in His way. He will move mountains, flow the river of life through the valleys, and move us closer to Him during the waiting.

My Jesus is Good!
My Father is Faithful!
If you are in a time such as this - have faith that He has spoken to someone in your shoes.
Hand it over, for the less you try to control the more He will show He has it under control!

Shine

Something about last night stirred my heart.

As many of you already know, there was the Super Moon Lunar Eclipse.

I joined the millions of onlookers and stood out on my back porch with eyes pinned on the ever fading moon. The shadow pressing in minute after minute, suddenly my heart began to break. I wanted to scream, "STOP!" at the creeping dark, yet I knew that it was impossible to prevent the shadow from overtaking the light.

The minutes ticked by, my breath keeping a steady rhythm, my eyes lifted in apprehension, and then the sun finally caste the earth's shadow fully upon the moon. The nighttime satellite that reflects the light from the sun was momentarily separated from its power source - the earth its barrier.

As my gaze fell in dismay back to the land my feet stood upon, ashamed that where I was caused this darkness, a joy, an unspeakable joy quickly poured into my soul as my eyes drew back up and caught a glimpse of a rim of light pressing out of the darkness.

For the light shines in darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it. John 1:5

As that verse spiraled through my mind, down to my heart, reaching my soul a chuckle burst up to my lips and a tear streamed down my cheek.  My heart perfectly romanced by the King. He whispered softly in the breeze as my soul sensed his presence, "you are never alone".

Never alone.

Humbled, I stood in reverence.
In awe of a King who called me victorious.
In awe of a King  who finds me courageous.
In awe of a King who handles this universe, and still doesn't miss a moment with his children.

The darkness of this world tries avidly to overwhelm my sensitive soul - even yours. With the shadow it casts upon us, upon our hearts, and our lives. Many of us want to run and scream, "I surrender," but then our valiant King charges in and proclaims that he shines brightest in the darkest places.

Oh! I believe that He stands out stronger when the darkness tries to hide him from us.
He illuminates our pathways,
he sanctifies our dying fire and kindles it into a burning flame,
he ignites what's written on our souls and sends us into this shadow of a world to radiate His truth for His glory!

That's why I love this verse so much, it says "What I tell you in the dark, speak in the daylight; what is whispered in your ear, proclaim from the roofs." Matthew 10:27

God does use darkness for his glory, to speak to us, to show his power, magnify his strength, and fuel a light in us so that we might go forth and proclaim his truths from the rooftops!

Let's learn from nature and heed God's word. "For God, who said, "Let light shine out of darkness," made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Christ." 2 Cor. 4:6

Let our light's shine <3

Jesus Loves Me

Soft suds from face wash dripped past the edge of my chin, and the cotton creases in the towel rubbed lightly in the palm of my hand. The green-blue soul searchers stared back at me as my lips parted to sing,

"Jesus loves me this I know
for the bible tells me so
little ones to him belong
they are weak but he is strong.

Yes, Jesus loves me - yes... he does.
Yes, Jesus loves me.

Yes, Jesus loves me, 
the bible tells me so."

The grin wrinkled my rosey cheeks,
I continued to stare back at this joyful reflection.

"Again," I told myself.

"Jesus loves me..." 
Freckles jumped for joy.
"This I know"
and I really did know.

I knew that no matter what pain, sorrow, tragedy, or hate I've lived in, trudged through, or hid from in my life that He - the creator of these freckles, these green-blue eyes, these falling curls, and this only for my ears voice- loved me then and still LOVES ME NOW!

How did I forget this song that I belted out recklessly growing up, that my hands knew how to sing more gracefully than the words stringing out of my lungs, oh this song that I've taught to many young children. How did I separate myself from such a simple reminder that I AM A DAUGHTER OF THE KING AND I AM DEARLY LOVED?

"The bible tells me so - it tells me so, so many times!"

The bible promises that we are more than conquerors through our Jesus and our God! That nothing can separate us - not life, not death, neither angels or demons, what's happening now nor what will come, no height or depth - no! None of that can separate us from the love God has for his children through his son Jesus (Romans 8:37-38)

The bible declares that even when we were still sinners, still running from God, hurting him, he loved us so much he sent his son, his baby boy, his only child to die for our sins and create a path for us to run to him - the same path that his love runs down to cover all of our trespasses. (John 3:16, Romans 5:8, 1 John 4:9-11).

The bible testifies that he pursues us, he reaches out to us, he is in our midst and among us, he fights for us all because he loves us with a steadfast and unfailing love (Psalms 86:14, Zephaniah 3:17, Exodus 14:14)

The book is filled from beginning to end with a vast array of his love for us. What I needed so desperately to remember was that as I continue to learn how to see Him I will continue to proclaim verbally his love for me... and my love, yes my childish love for the King.

Turn Learning to Learned

*Three Gifts Learned*

Learning is active, ongoing.
It is inhaling and refreshing and filling.
Learning can be immaculate and beautiful or atrocious and perilous.
Yet, changing learning to learned may terrify the feeble, for some days it terrifies me.
Changing learning to learned announces to the world that I now know, therefore I must now show a sense of growth, or in few cases a brilliant epiphany.

Thus composing three things learned does just that... in essence it reveals to you that I now know and am no longer ignorant in that area of life, mastered - who knows- but mindless I am not.

Now, on to three things learned!

{1} I am becoming myself as I begin to engulf my life in the presence of my Jesus.

{2} Having courage is a choice. An every moment of every day kind of choice.

{3} I am old enough to start reading fairy tales again.

Three things that I will shout out to the world, I have learned this!
I know these truths.
I am vulnerable to you calling me out on any of these...

I am no master to any of these, but I am on my way to growing more knowledgeable in these truths. This journey of living in "learned" allows you to continue learning.

By the way! I was vague for many reasons... but mostly I want you to ask me then I will explain each change listed above and how I moved it from learning to well... learned. With a cup of coffee in hand and a heart full of joy, I will explain to you the story, my story, the one written for me by Him. <3

Thankful in the Thicket

It's been a funky few weeks. It's been desultory, thus causing my heart and brain to imitate the sluggish feeling as well. My joy evaporated in the midst of this destructive Texas heat.

Then as I engulfed myself in my friend Whitney's blog, I realized that she was seeking what my heart had been avoiding... thankfulness. Full thankfulness in all I have, am, and where I am at in life. This striving sense of never enough, never enough, never enough has exhausted my heart, my brain, and my spirit.

So here I go for the rest of July, jumping on the thankful wagon using Ann Voskamps July gifts.

{Today: 3 gifts hanging down...}

Maybe this boy is the one motivation and inspiration for my gifts today. Hanging down seems pretty easy when hanging out with a 4 year old.
1). My hands hanging to hold his up
2). My feet hanging down to wrap him in tight on the first ride down the slide and seeing him laugh whole-heartedly.
3). My heart hanging low in humility as I just love, wait, and adore this gift of constant reminders that God just loves us and adopts us. He calls us his own when the world calls us forgotten. He calls us his child when the world shouts abandoned! God, yes, God calls us redeemed when the world calls us scarred.

For this I am so thankful today.

{Here we go in actively seeking joy}

To My Handsome Groom, With All My Heart

Whoa! It is May, the May before June which leads to July. Yes! July 30th. The big 4 letter word - FOUR.

This July we will mark the day Adam almost cried, I laughed when his corsage turned upside down then quickly made friends with the ground, and the unity candles would not light. This July will mark four years since the shaky knees, the wildness in my mind, and the peace of hearing "As The Deer" guide me to my future standing at the end of the burlap cloth aisle.

Four years.

It's not much, no... but it's also so much.
Jars overflowing with laughter, bowls holding so many tears. Countless moments of bending and changing, giving and taking, molding and fitting. My heart cannot fathom that we survived our first year, much less the second. Yet, so many times I yearn for that small one bedroom apartment on the third floor with a tiny full size bed and a partially empty fridge/pantry. I find myself closing my eyes and giggling at our first Thanksgiving and Christmas. The tiny decorations screaming courage to my heart!

I look back on our dreams, our long conversations, the desperation in my voice wanting checklists to find themselves complete (school, graduating, paying off debt) and now I crave for time to halt.  Here's to you my warrior, my prince, my groom... my mister. Here is to you who fought gallantly for us.


To My Handsome Groom,

Your patience for me is unyielding. Your love - ever growing. There is a light in your eyes that shines, it radiates and penetrates the depths of my soul. I know that glow is not from me, nothing I have done or ever will do, but from someone much greater who inhabits all you are in life and all you strive to be.

I am acquainted with your fears and understand your desires. Brave is tattooed on your forehands, and humility pours from your gracious lips. You have taught me so much about devotion. You've been to war for this girl, this princess, this armor bearer to your valiant king. You once let her fly away because you knew what you had poured in made an impact, and she returned. She saw that you were godly, loving, and desired much more than the shallow expectations of this world.

Your work ethic is admirable. Undeniably you were born a great leader. Your actions speak wonders at home and in the grind. The alarm rings, you arise, and the world is a better place. That suit zips up, you jump in your truck, and men - even bosses- are at peace upon your arrival.

Our "girls" or three pups adore you.  How it makes me long for children who will call you their father. Your patience with me unyielding, how blessed any child would be to be held by you and feel security in the light that pours from your soul. I love how you have never held another child but your baby sister, and that one day you will save those unwavering arms of yours for the child we will call ours; how they will find peace in your presence!

My darling, you break barriers following our Jesus. On days I crawl into bed, caving in to defeat from the pains of the day, you confidently march in and proclaim freedom, praying over me for peace. Even when my heart stands there stunned at your spiritual strength, humbled by the grace you pour forth from the savior of the world, I find rest in knowing he welded our hearts together for a purpose, for his uncompromisable plan.

Love, I am overjoyed in knowing you hear his voice, the whisper of our good good father.

Continue on this journey with me. Another four years, then forty more to follow. Let's pursue this walk hand in hand through the luscious fields, the barren lands, the mighty battles, mountains high and valleys low. This journey is a covenant, signed from the depths of our souls. Let us wage on forever more bringing hope from the one who has built this home.


<3 B