A Friendly and Needy Request

It's been 19 days since I stopped everything. I stopped blogging, stopped posting, just plainly stopped. Quieting myself, seeking God first above recognition, above encouragement, above all. Above all, I wanted to see what His dream for my life was, yet here I sit here today still wondering.

I've cried in confusion.
I've prayed for confirmation.
I've wept in frustration and irritation.

Scripture has overwhelmed me, friends and mentors have had reassuring words. Even though I did not tell many people about this period in my life, who I told - I told in the midst of overwhelming confusion and a very humbling fall, what I love most is that God gave them words to feed my soul.

This quietness and shutting out has brought me to a point where I do not even think what I write or do is worthy to be read. It is me -- in my brokenness, in my tears, in my craving for something more.  Then God sends someone to whisper a sense of hope into my longing, he places a verse where I don't have to seek it out, and the spirit spills words out of my mouth when I pray.

I know... yes I know that is from God.

David sat there too, a dreamer like me. He's been through what I'm going through, now. He did the mundane tasks while his brothers fought battles. He sat staring at the same stars I gaze in to.  He cleaned up messes, and "kept his father's sheep. When a lion or a bear came and carried off a sheep from the flock, [he] went after it, struck it and rescued the sheep from its mouth. When it turned on [him], [he] seized it by its hair, struck it and killed it." (1 Samuel 17: 34-35); still he knew he was made for more. Yet, without knowing, God was preparing Him all this time to slay a giant and bring encouragement to his people.

Abram (Abraham) was given a vision in a thick and dreadful darkness (Genesis 15:12). Joseph was a dreamer and was sold as a slave, then imprisoned for being a slave with standards, until one day he ended up being used in God's big plan.

So here I am, breaking my silence by letting you know that I am a very broken dreamer. I am a dreamer waiting in the dark where there is no light at the end of my tunnel, but that is okay.

What I am learning is this:

• Dreams don't turn out the way you think; they are not turning out the way I want them to, at all! 
• In the dreadful darkness, in the valley, in the mundane God is changing me. He is molding me and strengthening me. The tears are washing away the weakness so that I may not faint or give way when He presents me to His dream. Patience is strengthening me in the heavy mist. Discipline is forming, and I am waiting, and finally sitting until He says "move". 
• Once I come to a place where He can trust me with what lies ahead in His marvelous plan, I'll be waiting, because Slow and steady is His pace. He is not in a hurry... even if I am. 

So pray for me friends, as I pray for you. Pray for courage to face the darkness. For patience to beat out the frantic hurry. For love to abound and spring forward even when I would rather hide and hate. Pray for discipline so that He will trust me with His dream, even if I have no idea what it is - and that scares me. Pray for these things... please.

Much love.

The Bench-Warmer

"Even the smallest person can change the course of the future." -J.R.R. Tolkein

Have you ever been a bench warmer? Just sitting on the side-lines, the cheerleader of the team. Everyone else is scoring big time, you on the other hand are "whooping" with a towel in your hand. You are the one who knows all the best cheers, the best time to chant them, and  you are deemed the ultimate hi-5 captain. Then it hits you on your way to the locker room after the game... I wasn't used. Maybe next time. 

You attend all of the practices.

You sweat just as much if not more than the other ones who have the natural talent.

You continue to hope, pray, and wish that the coach will just notice you and possibly allow you a few moments to shine.

Yet, next time comes and you are once again the glorified cheer captain with a jersey on...

(Google Images)

Friends, I have a question for you. Do you ever feel as though you are the bench warmer of life? The one who is stuck on the side-lines, whooping and hollering as everyone else goes off to do glorious assignments for our King?

You're not up on stage leading worship, preaching, flying overseas for mission work months on end. You are not leading a ministry, a life group, or even a prayer group. You are not Beth Moore or James Dobson, as one of my friends joked at church. 

Are you feeling a little left out?

I definitely feel that way.  It's like I want to spell it out with rocks on my front lawn "God, Here I Am. Use ME!"

I wonder what my neighbors might think? What is this crazy lady doing? They would possibly shout, "HEY LOOK! The new neighbor is re-arranging the rocks in her yard!! Must be a city girl thing."

Okay, but with all the seriousness I have in my body at the moment, I really feel left out. I see God doing huge works in everyone's life, starting ministries, adopting children, writing books. Yet, I want to be used so bad by God my heart aches and cries a lot. Obviously, I am very impatient, justifiably so since I feel as though time is being wasted and I want to be in this game, not just sitting here shouting out another cheer.

But God is waiting. He places us on the bench for a reason. On the bench you can study the coach, the team, the plan. You have opportunities to learn and know more about the game, because obviously the coach does not think you are quite yet ready.

God wants you to wait on the sidelines to know more and learn more before he will call you to be used by Him.

So, how do we wait? Well, grab hold tightly to this life-changing truth.

1. Rejoice in Hope

2. Patience in Tribulation

3. Constant in Prayer

(Romans 12:12)

While we are waiting we do the small acts, the acts that actually change the world. The acts of blessing others, sharing with those who are in need, practicing hospitality, clinging to what is good, honoring one another above yourselves, devoting our works to one another... serving the Lord. 

Pass out the towels, cheer on the team, study the plays... serve the coach. 

"John answered, 'Anyone who has two shirts should share with the one who has none, and anyone who has food should do the same.'" -Luke 3:11

No MORE! 

No more always wishing we were in the game.

No more thinking we are useless on the sidelines.

No more wasting time!

It's time to study, to prepare yourself for God's use by serving him there on the bench!

How can you share with someone who has nothing? 

Do you have a huge home with spare rooms? 

Or, even a small one with space for a few more faces.

Do you have food that goes to waste every month?

Do you have clothes that do not fit yourself or your children anymore?

Do you have a few extra minutes, a few extra dimes?

Play a game with an orphan... or a neighbor.

Do not waste your time on the sidelines... don't just be a glorified cheerleader either. Get up out of that bench, do something that serves the Lord.