As she passed the box of Kleenex to me and I gazed at the faces of the other two women, complete strangers, in the small room, I was preparing myself for the worst.
"I have to let you know I am skeptical, excited to try, but skeptical it will work." But they promised with scripture that while God can meet us anytime and in any way, he's made a promise that when two or more of us gather in his name, that he blesses us with his presence (Matt. 18:20). and "When we wait on him together, we can confidently expect him to reveal himself and, as our hearts are tender and open to him, we can trust he will guide us into truth (John 16:13).
But the fears still sat there, afraid that when I walked out of the room, that this would be nothing more than a group prayer, the chains re-latching, the high quickly fading. Another temporary fix.
We began to talk... freedom prayer in full effect. I won't share with you exactly what burdens I was released from but I will share with you the flow and the beauty God instilled in my heart.
My hesitance...
then the Holy Spirit digging in.
My tears came forth, fears unfolding, pain pouring out, and hurt that I never thought I would face sat there in front of me rolling off my tongue, bringing light to what needed to be addressed. Most of this I did not even know I still held onto, but they were chiseled out from this heart of stone, and sat at my feet, ready for me to hand them to God. I picked up each one, asking God to release them, to free me from them, and then blessings were prayed.
My eyes shot open. Still sitting in the black rolling chair cross-legged I looked at each of the three women, a dear mentor and two wise loving strangers, I began to realize that I just let go of something that I thought was forgiven years ago. Something I so confidently expressed to them would not need to be addressed, but it was. Then one of the women spoke to me saying "Close your eyes."
Obediently and willingly I did. Then a memory flashed into my mind of a white christmas years ago. Being home alone with my two sisters, walking out into the blanket of pure beauty, the fresh snow on the ground in a place where snow does not fall. It was a promise, the visual image of God washing me white as snow, a promise of freedom and a reconciliation in a new year with a new slate. A beautiful promise.
After all that, I told them I do not feel like that was all God wanted to address. God was just beginning, so we pressed on.I closed my eyes, focusing. Asking God to bring what he wanted to bring to light.
The Holy Spirit gently guiding, my heart breaking (Ezekiel 11:19 AMP). This spiritual warfare in a room with four chairs, four women, a box of Kleenex and an overstuffed trashcan. God was there. The Holy Spirit was moving. It was a beautiful place to be.
When I released the pain to Jesus and rested it on his shoulders (Isaiah 9:6) a vision of a window appeared. A white curtain, a soft breeze, but I could see it and feel the wind moving through the window. Dust was being stirred up, beautiful things were beginning to be made. My heart was filled with peace and I wanted to sit there forever, just in that moment, in that vision. Then self-awareness kicked in, I felt dizzy and needed water. I also needed to question these women before me because I swore I could have made that all up. But they confidently reassured me I didn't, because every single aspect of that vision was God.
Mind blown.
Exhausted.Two heart wrenching pains. Two messages already spoken, a new promise already heard... but there was one more item we needed to addressed.
"There is not a single darkness in your life that God cannot bring his light upon." -Beth Moore
God was shining light! Saying you want intimacy with me dear child? Well, I am running towards you! Clearing it all away. One more hurdle and you will have a heart of flesh.
So I closed my eyes and began to pray, began to speak what he had so calmly urged me to bring forth. The pain of the past, burdening words spoken. Then I was free.
"Ask God who you are to him."
So I did.
There was darkness.
A thought of lilies, then a field of sunflowers and I was standing there. Breathing in the air, the overwhelming aroma of freshness. Eyes soaking in the surrounding and the words, "Beautiful" (Matthew 6:28) so distinctive, so profound as I looked down at the crown that lay at my feet. I gaze back up and realize I am a child of God! A princess, an heiress. I am his and his alone. Then the lyrics run through my mind "She breathes the air and flies away..." and I unwillingly open my eyes.
Freedom.
Unable to express everything I saw and felt. My heart knowing, my mind confused. In the lack of confidence I told them I was unsure it was God, I think I made it up... but who just makes that up in their mind? Ha!Then she puts her hand on my knee and says, "Brady, she breathes the air and flies away.... that's freedom!"
And it was. I was. I was free. My heart rejoicing. My soul uplifted. God was here... I felt it and I tasted it! We prayed for a while longer, thanking God, they prayed blessings. Then we just sat and talked like good friends.
Afterwards, I walked out with confidence. Knowing that I can hear his voice, that He speaks to me through visuals, songs, and memories. Promises were given that I will forever be blessed to have heard. But most of all...
I was free.
(Video from YouTube) Lyrics are Below :)
Search My Heart - Hillsong United
Search my heart
And search my soul
There's nothing else
That I want more
(Break)
Shine Your light
And show Your face
In my life
Lord have Your way
(Break)
With all my heart and all my soul
With all I am, Lord, I will follow You
(Break)
Hear my cry
And hear my prayer
Draw me close
I know your near
(Break)
So with all my heart and all my soul
With all I am, Lord, I will follow You
(Break)
You took the cross, You took my shame
Restored my life, now I live to worship You
(Break)
Without You I am nothing
Without You I am nothing
Without You I am nothing
(Break)
So with all my heart and all my soul
With all I am, Lord, I will follow You
You took the cross, You took my shame
Restored my life, Lord I will follow You
Without You I am nothing
Without You I am nothing
Without You I am nothing
(Break)
Without You I am nothing
Without You I am nothing
Without You I am nothing
(Break)
Search my heart
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