My heart ached.
My mind hurt.
It comes quietly, this pain in my soul.
The thief of joy is off with its prize before realization sets in that I have been robbed.
Robbed of so much more than I tend to realize.
The perfect moments.
Even the hard moments.
The broken ones.
With children or jobs.
Painful, so painful for my weak heart to gaze upon.
I know I cannot be alone.
A broken heart tends to find unflaunted company.
Tears hide gracefully.
I close the screen and look away.
Where does this longing come from? This quiet pain?
The problem lies in the face of ignoring,
friends fail to keep touch,
abandonment quickly steps into my life.
A fear since I was young,
a common ground for hatred in my life.
Broken and brim overflowing with despair
my heart cries out to be healed.
"CATCH THAT THIEF!"
Asking. Praying. Hoping.
It slowly seeps back in.
The joy defeating the doubt.
The constant doubt
that I am enough.
that I am precious.
that I am not abandoned, but sought after and known.
The stones chip away
at the thief running freely
crippling it until my hero can catch up.
My hero full of truth,
full of death defying love,
full of forgiveness and grace. Oh, the grace.
He comes back into my sight,
my head bowed - ashamed.
His gaze lifts me up - again, full of grace.
I cry out, I can't handle it!
It magnifies what I don't have,
envy their struggles with my heart's desire.
My hands speaking for me,
my heart shedding tears,
my Jesus kneels before me palms up,
endearing he shows me I'm engraved on his palm,
he digs gently into my heart, my mess, my pain.
Revealing the true beauty, as I cried out I was slain!
Why do you leave me,
not grant me my wishes?
Why do I have to do things the world's way, in their order - they say!
He quiets me again.
Softly, I breathe. I hear his plans,
but I still can't see.
So I step away from the hurt,
I'll hand it over you him, my most treasured jewel.
I'll drop in your hands my alabaster jar,
I will wait. I will pray,
because faith grows stronger
when life is cruel.