Yet divided hope is worthless. Divided hope holds no strength.
Divided hope brings stress, restlessness, fear.
When we look at all these different things in our lives and place significance on the hope we placed within them, weakness is fueled.
But how can I say this when hope has the ability to set expectations in our life, to move us along in the most trying times? How can I say that hope can weaken the soul?
It is difficult for me to explain the pain my family has dealt in the past year and a half. My Papaw was diagnosed with colon cancer in November 2012. He began chemo in December and has gone through some laborious, painful days. As the chemo fills his body, his wife's, his children's, his friends and family members hearts begin to hope... an exhausted hope it has become. Hoping that this treatment, or the next one will kill the cancer that has burdened his body. But our hope only becomes exhausted when we begin to hope in the doctors, in the medicines, in the surgeries.
Our hope, exasperated by being thinned out into many little hope jars, becomes almost more burdening and troublesome than if we didn't hope at all.
But what I realized was that if I were to stop hoping in the medicine, stop hoping in the new doctor, the new treatment, the new surgery, the new hospital or clinic... if I were to repossess the hope I thought I found in all of the worldly aspects of his chemo and place ALL my hope in the LORD, my hope would gain strength. It would be placed in him. I will no longer despair, or have a broken heart. (Psalm 43:5) I will find joy in my hope because my hope is placed in an everlasting light. My hope is found in a strength that nothing on this earth can provide. Confidence will grow (Ps. 71:5), our strength renewed, our joy found. Faith will stand fast when hope is placed in the creator of all things and in this I can be confident. I can be confident that God will work out all things for his Glory, and his alone.
Where you place hope is crucial. Sometimes taking a step back and looking out onto the horizon of your life, scanning, identifying, and revealing your hope jars and reclaiming them for a one true hope is all we need.
I never thought that beauty could come from something broken. That anyone would want... much less search for fragments and long to hold and keep them.
When we humans, see brokenness, we see the defects that the damage has caused. Some humans see ways to fix it but putting it back together still shows the seams, it still shows the pain and the hurt that was once there.
Yet, as I sat in my bubble bath clearing my thoughts and one object came into my mind. I believe God placed it there for a reason, making me visualize where it came from, shattering, being forgotten, sloshed around, sinking in deep oceans, slammed into walls, sanded down and then lying there lost, alone and waiting. But this object lies hidden until that one person, searching among the rocks, digging through the sand, and then spotting it in its lonesomeness, covered in muck, cleans it and names it sea glass. A beautiful piece of glass lying there in the hands of its seeker, painted by the gaze of adoring eyes honing in on its beauty.
The past of the sea-glass is no longer relevant. The eyes of the beholder only delight in the color, the smoothness, finding beauty in an uncondemning light. A new name has been given to the shard, the fragment of glass is now named a treasure, a prize, a jewel.
How beautiful is the creation of sea glass and how closely it resembles the way God seeks his children. He finds us in the midst of our loneliness, our depressions, our hurt and shame. He picks us up and wipes off the filth that hides what's beneath and he calls us his children, his treasure. He sees the uniqueness that comes from the life we've lived, the hurt we've felt, that condemning eyes and sharp tongues that caused us to shatter. But God picks up the pieces and finds joy in the new name, the new life that he wants to give us. We are no longer alone, no longer broken but made new. Given new hope our joy evolves around our comforter, the one who called us His.
God never said this life would be easy, but he said he would be here for us. HE said we are HIS, and that HE loves us.
2 Corinthians 5:17
Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!
Revelation 21:4-5
and He will wipe away every tear from their eyes; and there will no longer be any death; there will no longer be any mourning, or crying, or pain; the first things have passed away." and He who sits on the throne said, "Behold, I am making all things new."
1 Corinthians 15:43
Our bodies are buried in brokenness, but they will be raised in glory. They are buried in weakness, and they will be raised in strength.
There is something about growing older that makes you long for the simplicity of childhood. The fairy tails, the mud caked hands, the calloused bare feet, and the slobber from puppy kisses. Reminiscing about the beautiful days of the past have just brought a smile to my face and for good times sake, I'd like to share it (if not just to bring a smile to my baby sister in Cali, my baby brother somewhere on an oil-patch, and my older sister taking a break from a crazy day of teaching.
Best Memories---by far.
1. Traveling to Canada
The terror! The fear... but stopping to teach a lesson somewhere in the midst of the chaos. We were traveling to Canada on our wooden over-sized rocking horse. We would pack him up, Adam Jay would be the baby, or the cowboy, or the dad (depending on the day)... Lexi would be the school teacher... Casey would be Pocahontas in her costume constantly braiding the white yarn horse mane, and I would be the momma corralling a Pocahontas, a 4 year old boy, and trying to boss around a 12 year old all for the sake of the game. We were dressed and ready to escape from Texas, away from the Alamo and all its wars (I think Lex was just learning about it in 5th grade!!) we had our imagination soaring or better yet, on the run!
2. Camping
All I am going to say is: soaking wet, burnt marshmallows, long hikes.... lots of fun.
3. Sharing bedrooms
I think one thing I will most definitely have my children do is share a bedroom. My little sister and I shared a bed (our choice!) until I was in 6th grade. The we shared a room until high-school. But the years we shared a room were the years we were the closest. Even with bunk-beds we would still line up our dolls, read them a good night story, and chit-chat through the night.
4. Hay-Bale tag
Yes! Jump up on some hay-bales and run across playing tag. Beware!! Don't fall in between (AJ!)
5. Cow-Patty Fights....
Okay, this might be a term coined by the Crocker Twins or someone outside the Viertel family, but something about good ol' country kids running around 100 acres of ranch land picking up dried or wet patties and chunking them at each other says something... (not sure what but it does!).
6. Front Seat Fights
I'm sure like every family my parents had a million ways for us to win the front seat. From Dad's card games (whoever draws the highest card) to mom's we will rotate every 30 minutes... it didn't matter how hard they tried or how logical their thinking was it was still a crying fest when not all four children could fit in the front seat. Yep... I will never have one, I'll just tear it out or something. ;-)
7. Back Yard Camping
Setting up that old pop-up trailer and seeing who would be the last to come into the house was always a fun game... pretty sure I lost every time. I mean, it was pretty scary out there.
8. "Uno Momento Por Favor"
Well, living in the south you have a lot of "travelers" coming by asking for food... or camping out in your barn or playhouse without you knowing it until the morning. But my favorite time was when a few "travelers" came to our back door asking for food as we were getting ready for school in the morning and my little sister tells them in her best broken spanish "uno momento por favor". All I can say is .... my poor mom. :)) The rest of the morning was an adventure.
9. The Tornado
It was a stormy afternoon and my mom decided to walk all four kids to the movie store down the street to rent Pee-Wee Hermans Big Adventure. Well... on the way back a tornado cloud was forming. She rushed us home, made macaroni and cheese, as we were eating the tornado touched down so she stuffed us all in the bath tub. Casey decided she couldn't live without another bite of Macaroni and Cheese so my mom grabbed it and under the mattress in the bathtub you can only imagine what happened. Casey spilt the macaroni on me, I was screaming, the tornado was coming and the world was ending (or at least in my mom's eyes). But who cares... we survived. I think only one tree was torn out on our street, no big deal. Right?
10. Snow.
Sorry AJ you're not in this one. It was Christmas Eve 2004 and Alexia, Casey and I went to the Christmas Eve service in our hometown. We drove from my Mom's where we were spending Christmas break to attend. As we left the service we noticed it was snowing and the roads were icing up. So we drove to our house down the street to call my mom and let her know we couldn't make it back. I have to say this is one of the best Christmas' ever. We spent the night making little snowmen on the bar-b-q grill, then came inside and cuddled with Jake (our old lab). The next morning us Texas girls with nothing warmer but sandals and socks strutted outside enamored by the perfect white pillows all around. The snow laid untouched... until snowballs were formed, laughs echoed the quiet street, and the evidence of snow angels soaked 3 teenage girls backs. No pictures were taken, there were no cellphones to track the memories, but that is one memory my heart will never forget. The greatest, most simple Christmas morning I've ever experienced.
These memories are my own. My favorite. Their simplicity and joy remind me of how beautiful and precious life can be. The smallest moments become the greatest. Just remember money can't always buy memories... sometimes just being and living creates the things you remember most.
Looking into the mirror and seeing myself is something I have to face every morning. Those eyes filled with exhaustion, the unkempt hair, the wrinkled t-shirt... all this is predictable. What the mirror tells me is superficial, it does not delve deep inside to see what created the dark circles, or the tangled mess. It does not tell the story of the battle inside.
Finding grace has never been something that has come easily to me. Unforgiveness is a strength, I am also "cursed" with being stubborn and proud. Not only am I this way to the people that love me dearly, but also to the God who has shown more love, grace, and tenderness to me than I could ever deserve. This battle of success, earthly possessions, and making a name for myself versus living a life that pleases God and makes people want to know his name has brought me to my knees over and over again.
Today on my daily walk with my sweet, sweet puppies (picture below) really slammed reality into my face.
As I was walking, I was worshiping and praising God for his beauty. Then a darkness came into my mind about all the stress I have been feeling and the overwhelming sensation that this world places on my shoulders. The pressure to fit in, to beat the Joneses, to be the top dog.... it has drained me. Not that Adam and I are anywhere close to doing any of that but the fact is I (yes I) have this unrealistic goal to buy a house in June. This unrealistic goal is NOT by the world's standards unattainable, but by God's standards unrealistic. By this I mean that my desires and stressful deadline are not God's desires or his perfect timing. In June we will not have yet saved enough money to have 3 months expenses in the bank, by June we will not have enough to have a sufficient down payment. So what I mean is that this stress I feel about a deadline that I have created is not biblical. Let me share what I mean....
"What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don't they come from your desires that battle within you? You desire but do not have... You covet but you cannot get what you want, so you quarrel and fight. You do not have because you do not ask God. When you ask you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures." James 4:1-3
This desire to buy a house is not a God thing by any means. This desire to have the 1+ acre lot is not something I have prayed for with the right motives. Every motive was selfish, every desire was self-fulfilling. I have prayed, but prayed earnestly for the wrong things. For desires that will please me, for earthly objects that will somehow fulfill my life. Yet, God tells James to remind us that "God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble." and that we need to submit ourselves and change our hearts by coming near to God. By coming near to him and sitting at his feet like children, adoring the creator of the heavens and earth who will not let us be hungry, or homeless, or forgotten. A father who loves us and cares deeply about us.
Tonight I was reminded about dreams Adam and me have had about adopting. That our hearts yearn to help the orphans, but first we need to follow God's plan. I know he will fill our hearts desires to please him in that way, but I now know that I want to do it all his way. I want to follow his game plan for plan A. I don't want my backup worldly plan to jump in and ruin the beauty of the life he has set out before us.
And now... Rambling Man is going through my mind because that's what I feel like I am doing. Now that's a graceful way to end an intense blog ;-). Goodnight my friends.
“But in all his relationships, God reaches for man.
Reaches for you who have fallen and scraped your heart raw,
for you who feel the shame of words that have snaked off your tongue and
poisoned corners of your life, for you who keep trying to cover up pain with
perfectionism.
Three words come through in the thicket of failure:
Where are you?”
-The Greatest Gift, Ann
Voskamp
Let's take it back a few years, maybe all the way to 8th
grade when I really started to learn about God and crave for his relationship,
most of all to be a light for him. But I did not know how… or maybe I did I just
lacked the courage. As my heart was cowering in the corner peering out at the light that
it was afraid to grasp, not because it did not want the light but because my
heart knew once it allowed itself to over flow with light then it would have to share it. Let
it shine. Speak the truth. Change my life.
Years passed… middle school, high school, college. They all
came and went with my heart in the same place, staring at the light from afar
not sure what to do with it. Sometimes my heart would move closer and then back
off once the fear of earthly failure, the fear of what would happen next
sank in, when the words of Satan became too powerful. His words of a haunted
past, his words of sins, he would take my heart and scrape it raw with lies
that I was never good enough… making my heart cower back in the corner again
just looking on, knowing the truth but to afraid to do anything about it.
Then a friend… a friend whom I have had since high school
spoke the truth to me. She said I needed to find a mentor, to find a church
family with a life group and become a part of it; that I needed to look for
more in this life than just attending church and believing. So I began to pray,
to pray for a mentor, to pray for a church family that would bring us a life
group to gather around us in storms, to be a word of encouragement, to show my husband and I how to take a leap of faith. No more than a month later the prayer was
answered.
At this moment so many realities began to sink in… I had
been trying to write my own story but God has a bigger one. I thought I was
holding the pen that would write a great story of true love and kids and
simple life… but then I realized that I was not holding a pen at all. That by trying to be the author in this great story has only caused heartache. God’s
heart was breaking as I pushed him away and sought out my own story, and
what a mess I had made; pages scribbled
on, no plot… characters coming and going. Then I handed my messy book over
to the creator of the heavens and earth and begged him to take it from here, "you’re the
writer and I am but a character, I am but a small piece in your work of art.
But please, please let me be a part of this story". And he has! Oh! He has!
In the past few months I have seen him erasing my scribbles
and writing a beautiful story. A story written about a coward finding courage.
A story of a lonesome heart finding multiple mentors, women after God’s own
heart, a church family and a life group that have been nothing but encouraging
to my husband and I and all because we had faith to let go and jump into his
everlasting arms.
You see God does not laugh at failures. God does not cast you
aside or strike you down. He lifts you up into his arms and says sit at my
feet, drink from my cup, and be filled with my love and my light. Let me send
you out into this world to show people there is a refuge from this chaos, that
there is a peace that surpasses all and you know the provider!
Where Am I?
My heart has jumped into the light, immersed in it like
never before. Overwhelmed and overflowing, now its one task is to pour it out,
to shine, to be courageous and trust in him… and the journey has already begun.
Day 7
Pray Psalm 79:9-13.
Ask God to save and deliver the persecuted for the glory of his name. Pray that the groans of the prisoners will be heard by him and that God's strong arm will preserve them, so that they can praise God forever.
Romans 14:8 NIV
"So, whether we live or we die, we belong to the Lord."
Philippians 1:18-21
The Message (MSG)
So how am I to respond? I’ve decided that I really don’t care about their motives, whether mixed, bad, or indifferent. Every time one of them opens his mouth, Christ is proclaimed, so I just cheer them on! And I’m going to keep that celebration going because I know how it’s going to turn out. Through your faithful prayers and the generous response of the Spirit of Jesus Christ, everything he wants to do in and through me will be done. I can hardly wait to continue on my course. I don’t expect to be embarrassed in the least. On the contrary, everything happening to me in this jail only serves to make Christ more accurately known, regardless of whether I live or die.They didn’t shut me up; they gave me a pulpit! Alive, I’m Christ’s messenger; dead, I’m his bounty. Life versus even more life! I can’t lose.
Romans 12:1
Offer your bodies as living sacrifices...
Matthew 5:44 MSG
Love your enemies. Let them bring out the best in you, not the worst. When someone gives you a hard time, respond with the energies of prayer.
This following story, taken from a book called Jesus Freaks, is perfect to remind us how powerful today's prayer is, reminding us of what those who are imprisoned for their faith go through; but God's grace is greater than any pain that persecutors can cause... just read.
Smiling at Her Torturer
Liuba Ganevskaya, U.S.S.R., 1970s
Luiba, arrested for her faith by the Russian Communists, was kept in a solitary cell, starved, and beaten. Still, she did not deny Jesus or reveal the names of other believers. She patiently suffered for the sake of the gospel.
One night, when the guard insulted her with foul words and was just about to start beating her, she
somehow saw him differently.
She noticed for the first time that he was as tired of beating her as she was of being beaten. She was
worn out from lack of sleep, and so was he. He was as desperate over not getting any information from
her as she was about suffering for refusing to betray her friends.
A voice told her, “He is so much like you. You are both caught in the same drama of life. You and your torturers pass through the same vale of tears.”
Liuba looked up at the guard who had already lifted up his whip to beat her. She smiled.
Stunned, he asked, “Why do you smile?”
She replied, “I don’t see you the way a mirror would show you right now. I see you as you surely once
were, a beautiful, innocent child. I see you, too, as I hope you will be. There was once a persecutor
worse than you named Saul of Tarsus. He became an apostle and a saint. What burden so weighs on you that it drives you to the madness of beating a person who has done you no harm?”
The torturer put down his whip. He left that day a changed man.
“Jesus does not promise that when we bless our enemies and do good to them they will not despise us
and persecute us. They certainly will. But not even that can hurt us or overcome us, so long as we pray for them.For if we pray for them, we are taking their distress and poverty, guilt and perdition upon ourselves, and pleading to God for them. It is only when one sees the anger and wrath of God hanging
like grim realities over the head of one’s enemies that one can know something of what it means to love
them and forgive them.” —
***
God you save and deliver your children from persecution. Just as Liuba saw her persecutor through your eyes and refused to let darkness pass over hers and be blinded by her pain, she sought your truth instead. Through this she was wrapped in your strong arm and was able to pray for her persecutor. In the strength that abounded from you, she spoke. And as she spoke her persecutor listened and heard your words pour out of her mouth.
May many others who are persecuted find that they do not suffer in vain. That their physical brokenness is seen by you and that you long for a continued relationship through prayer. That you hear their pleas, their songs, their soft spoken words and you call out to them, "Well done good and faithful servant... Well done" as you reach down and fill their prison cells with your Holy Spirit, comforting them and opening up their eyes.
To suffer for you in order to one day kneel by your thrown so they can praise you forever is a feat not many people on this earth will ever know. But those who do let them not crumble before they reach your heavenly gates. May they find strength in knowing that they are pleading with you, blessing their enemies, and calling for grace all because something greater than themselves has changed their hearts. All because they want to be like your son. Allowing their enemies to see their best, not their worst as they offer their bodies as living sacrifices.
I just pray that those you deliver from being persecuted do not back down after being freed. That they continue to trust in your ways.
Amen.
Watch the video! It's a great song to end this 7 day blogging journey! Thanks to everyone who have read and prayed for our persecuted brothers and sisters!
Day 6
Pray that a spirit of fellowship will grow between the persecuted church and the free world. Pray that those who worship in freedom will develop a burden to pray for and serve their persecuted brothers and sisters.
Philippians 3:10
I want to know Christ -- yes, to know the power of his resurrection and participation in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death.
Tonight I just want to bring worship to this prayer.
"Oceans (Where Feet May Fail)"
You call me [them] out upon the waters
The great unknown where feet may fail
And there I [they] find You in the mystery
In oceans deep My[Their] faith will stand
And I [they] will call upon Your name
And keep my [their] eyes above the waves
When oceans rise My [Their] soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am [they are] Yours and You are mine [theirs]
Your grace abounds in deepest waters
Your sovereign hand
Will be my [their] guide
Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me [them]
You've never failed and You won't start now
So I will [when they] call upon Your name
And keep my [their] eyes above the waves
When oceans rise My [their] soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am [they are] Yours and You are mine [theirs]
Spirit lead me [them] where my [their] trust is without borders
Let me [them] walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me [them]
Take me [them] deeper than my [their] feet could ever wander
And my [their] faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my [our] Savior
I will [When they] call upon Your Name
Keep my [their] eyes above the waves My [Their] soul will rest in Your embrace I am [They are] Yours and You are mine [theirs]
Lord,
The words of this song is my prayer tonight, but as I change the words from "I" to "Them" in lifting up my persecuted brothers and sisters, I pray that you hear the words and answer the prayer. For as they have been called by you and follow you that they find freedom in you embrace. In this may they find others that are with them in this time and create a fellowship that lifts them up. For we are not made to be alone in trials, and as you does not want man to be alone, let them know that they are prayed for by thousands of other believers. As we are free to worship may our hearts break and be burdened with their trials so that we will offer our all in this free land and free life to those who have to hide their faith in order to continue sharing it.
For what a blessing it is to be a light in a dark place. To be called to serve you in that capacity, I can only imagine.
You have enamored me and taught me that those who are shining your light are filled with your light. Their eyes are healthy and whole making their body full or your love and truth, do not let our eyes or theirs become vain or dark. Allow us to continue to seek the truth and look at you to feed our faith (Matthew 6:22-23).
I want to be in this with them. With my whole heart and soul. For you are a God of compassion, love, and grace. You want to save your creation from a life of darkness so you send out your disciples among the nations to speak your name. Let these disciples know that they are being loved and cared for through prayer and allow the "free" church to find ways to provide for their physical and tangible needs.
In your name I pray as I lift these words up with my heart,
