How Stepping Out Began.. Because Hiding Isn't Justified Anymore

Today was just an ordinary day.
4:45 roll out of bed.
4:50 run and turn the truck on - heater cranked up.
4:59 out the door
5:14 arrive at Crossfit
6:07 run 2 miles
6:35 rinse off, dress for work
7:01 quick stop for breakfast (friday treat)
7:13 arrive at my desk - throw my stuff down.
7:15 my favorite part of the day.

Quiet.
Head bowed.
Jesus? Do you hear me? I'm here, I've been waiting for this moment. I crave it every day. This quiet time before the rush. Can I just sit here with you and breathe... just take in your peace.











You refresh me. You do. You're glorious, my Savior. You, yes you are the one who is ALL Mighty. Who is beautiful. Who has legions of angels at his beckon call. You are the one who loves me more than your own life, more than pain, more than heart break. You do. You will never leave me, nor will you forsake me. My Precious King. Here I am... right here.

Right here before you saying I am unworthy of this meeting place. Of this moment. I am unworthy - a sinner I don't belong amidst your presence. Yet, you call it a lie. You have spoken saying that I am adopted, you are the atonement for my sin, masking it all. Erasing it all. Let me just breathe this moment in...





Forgive me for the monotony of my life. For the auto-draft hopes of redemption. You've called me to more than that... to more than just being a check in the mail. You've called me to proclaim... PROCLAIM your words - the good news - to the poor. You're beckoning me to GO and BIND up the brokenhearted wounds. You've commanded me to PROCLAIM freedom and RELEASE prisoners from their darkness. Yet, I sit here - auto-drafting redemption. Auto-drafting hope. My money is doing more than I am... so God, forgive me. Forgive me of hiding behind wealth and prosperity. Forgive me - and here I am now... open arms saying SEND ME! HERE I AM... Send Me. Choose me, because my heart has changed and I want to do more for you, I want to be all for you.

Send me.

Send me to battle alongside you. Whatever that looks like - whatever battle you have chosen to prepare me for, I know, in the sense of not knowing exactly how, that you are preparing me for the fight.  So send me... when you're ready. Not when I think I am, or when I think I am not... but when you, in your infinite knowledge and your glorious plan, are ready.

Amen.

Then it hit me... I'm stepping out today ready, for the first time in a long time - I'm ready.

Falling in Love with Jesus - Exclusivity [Fall Series #3]

I remember the struggle I had the moment I realized that I needed to be exclusive with Jesus. He had been silently whispering to my heart, deny yourself. Deny yourself. Deny yourself. 

The moment I stopped giving him the cold shoulder and I had an "eye-to-eye" conversation that spiraled into a gut-wrenching crying fest, I began to realize that he doesn't just want me on Sundays, or during worship time.  No! He wants me all the time.

To understand how exclusive he wanted our relationship to be he began to show me glimpses of how he had always been with me throughout my life, whether or not I acknowledged him.

He was there holding me as I cried in the make-shift clubhouse when my best friend in the whole world, Brittany, had moved away unexpectantly. There he was in the form of a lady I babysat for taking me shopping for prom. There he was as a mentor guiding me towards freedom from the past.

As Jesus began to reveal himself, my pride in who he is began to grow. I wanted to be with him more and more. So I decide, taking up my cross [willingly denying myself and "dying" to my former life] was the least I could do for all he has done for me.

I knew I could lose some close friends, lose my reputation, and depending on where he sends me, my life.

Although the consequences were known, I began to walk with him anyway. I began praying for eyes to see the wounds this world so timidly wore behind the nearly perfected facade. That is when he sent me to Romania, a place I never thought I would be, I did not even know where it was on the map. Fear began to creep slowly in, yet it only drew me further and further into his presence. While I was there he straightened out who I was to him.

I was set apart. Ephesians 1:4
I was chosen. 1 Peter 2:9
I was redeemed. Galatians 5:1
I was made new. Galatians 2:20, Colossians 3:10, 2 Corinthians 5:17

I am here to tell you Jesus wants the same for you! He wants you to become exclusive with him, so he can show you exactly who you are to him. So write down who you are to him; review the love letter from your Prince.

Know that you are precious to Jesus. 
Remember that he adores you.

Find time today to sit in Jesus's presence and define your relationship with him. You have passed through the uncertainty into the option of living exclusively for him. Just be warned... once you decide to live purely for his glory, there is no turning back. 
However, trust me... it's worth it!

* * * * *

I have decided to follow Jesus,
I have decided to follow Jesus,
I have decided to follow Jesus.
No turning back. No turning back.

Though none go with me, I still will follow.
Though none go with me, I still will follow.
Though none go with me, I still will follow.
No turning back. No turning back.

Falling in Love with Jesus - Uncertainty [Fall Series #2]

I remember sitting on her couch as she raved on about her new boyfriend. You see, my sweet girl friend had been waiting very patiently for God to show her the man he had in store for her life. I was obviously thrilled for her, but as she began to spill more details describing how this love story began to unfold, I began to see the uncertainty creeping in to the conversation. Was he the right one? Did he pursue her as much as she pursued him? Would it work out in the end?

Uncertainty challenges us to move from just attraction to examining our hearts and our desires.

What does this person have to offer?

A few days after I was a goner for this man named Jesus, I began to question myself and who he was with what he had to offer. Would falling in love with him be worth it? Giving up the life I once led, partying, crazy happy hours, gossiping, complaining, lying, anger, hatred, and much more. Would he really be worth the change, the exclusivity? I knew it would be difficult but I had to understand for myself, just exactly who is Jesus?

So I made my list:

His mouth is full of sweetness itself; he is altogether lovely.
(Song of Songs 5:16)
Life without him will cause you to never be satisfied or fulfilled.
(John 4:13)
He completes your joy.
(John 15:11)
He is going away, then coming back for you. He is going to his father to prepare a place for you [A complete love story, right!]
(John 14:28)
He laid down his life for those who loved him.
(2 Corinthians 5:21)
Life without him will cause you to never be satisfied or fulfilled.
(John 4:13)

For me, this was enough to stifle any lingering uncertainty.  All my desires could be, and would be, met by Jesus. So I stepped out of the uncertainty and slowly climbed up on my Prince's white horse ready to be swept away from the chains of doubt. My past had no foothold against the truths.  My friends, this is where I began to tumble... madly, deeply, and incandescently in love with Jesus.

Some thoughts for you:
Are you unsure if you want to trade your past for your future life with Jesus?
What quality traits about him stamp out any of your fears?
Look up some of the verses I listed above, how does Jesus show his all consuming grace and love to you in those passages?

Keep Their Eyes Above the Waves...

Day 6
Pray that a spirit of fellowship will grow between the persecuted church and the free world. Pray that those who worship in freedom will develop a burden to pray for and serve their persecuted brothers and sisters.

Philippians 3:10
I want to know Christ -- yes, to know the power of his resurrection and participation in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death.

Tonight I just want to bring worship to this prayer.

"Oceans (Where Feet May Fail)"

You call me [them] out upon the waters
The great unknown where feet may fail
And there I [they] find You in the mystery
In oceans deep
My[Their] faith will stand

And I [they] will call upon Your name
And keep my [their] eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My [Their] soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am [they are] Yours and You are mine [theirs]

Your grace abounds in deepest waters
Your sovereign hand
Will be my [their] guide
Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me [them]
You've never failed and You won't start now

So I will [when they]  call upon Your name
And keep my [their] eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My [their] soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am [they are] Yours and You are mine [theirs]

Spirit lead me [them] where my [their] trust is without borders

Let me [them] walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me [them]
Take me [them] deeper than my [their] feet could ever wander
And my [their] faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my [our] Savior

I will [When they] call upon Your Name
Keep my [their] eyes above the waves
My [Their] soul will rest in Your embrace
I am [They are] Yours and You are mine [theirs]

Lord,

The words of this song is my prayer tonight, but as I change the words from "I" to "Them" in lifting up my persecuted brothers and sisters, I pray that you hear the words and answer the prayer. For as they have been called by you and follow you that they find freedom in you embrace. In this may they find others that are with them in this time and create a fellowship that lifts them up. For we are not made to be alone in trials, and as you does not want man to be alone, let them know that they are prayed for by thousands of other believers. As we are free to worship may our hearts break and be burdened with their trials so that we will offer our all in this free land and free life to those who have to hide their faith in order to continue sharing it. 

For what a blessing it is to be a light in a dark place. To be called to serve you in that capacity, I can only imagine. 

You have enamored me and taught me that those who are shining your light are filled with your light. Their eyes are healthy and whole making their body full or your love and truth, do not let our eyes or theirs become vain or dark. Allow us to continue to seek the truth and look at you to feed our faith (Matthew 6:22-23). 

I want to be in this with them. With my whole heart and soul. For you are a God of compassion, love, and grace. You want to save your creation from a life of darkness so you send out your disciples among the nations to speak your name. Let these disciples know that they are being loved and cared for through prayer and allow the "free" church to find ways to provide for their physical and tangible needs. 

In your name I pray as I lift these words up with my heart,

Amen.

A Lamp Unto My Feet...

About a month ago my new puppy took my bible off of my bed stand and decided to devour the Word of God. She ate the leather cover and tore the thin scripture filled papers into a million pieces. It was beyond repair, and I was seriously devastated. I had underlined, hi-lighted, post-it'ed up that bible for the past eight years and now it was gone. My quick references, vanished... or devoured. But it was easy for me to replace, I just jumped into my car with my husband, drove down to the nearest Christian Book store and picked out a new one.
Simple.
Easy.
Convenient.

And as I sit here reading today's prayer topic, I want to laugh at my histerical self a month ago.... it was NOT the end of the world, for me. I have hundreds, if not thousands, of bibles at my hand all I have to do is log into the internet, go to the closest store, look at my bookshelf. Unfortunately, there is no such convenience for those in the persecuted church. Bibles are often smuggled in to these countries, if you're caught with one  your life could easily be on the line. The sad reality is in our over-abundant country our "conveniences are often overlooked when they should be thought of as blessings instead.

Day 3:
Pray for those providing Bibles and Bible training for the persecuted church. Pray that persecuted Christians in remote areas will gain access to the Bible and Scripture training. Pray for safety for those meeting secretly for training and encouragement, and pray that their deeper understanding of Scripture will enable them to reach others for Christ.

2 Timothy 3:16
All Scripture is God-breathed, and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting, and training in righteousness...


Lord,

I do not know the feeling of going without your word being tangible, right here at my fingertips. I do not know what it's like to have to hide your word, to really call it sacred because of the scarcity and the repercussions to be caught with it. I have been guilty of taking your word for granted and making its importance non-existent at times. Lord, as you open my eyes to the things unseen from the warmth of my chair, I plead that those who are secretly being trained in your word in dark rooms, that your word is imprinted on their hearts. For their bibles are a luxury, and few and far in between. Lord that your keep the scripture pure in their minds, that it is not tampered with in any way, remembered only as you want it to be known.

As they dive into your word, open their eyes, ears, and hearts to the learning of your word. Let the training come easily for them as they understand your word deeper than they ever thought imaginable. Your word is alive and active, let it penetrate their souls. Allow them access to the knowledge you hold, enough for them to confidently shine your light knowing your word is inside their hearts. God, your word is flawless, and in that it is a shield for those whom take refuge in you.

This I beg of you, be with them in the secret, in the quiet places. Let your word shine for them.
Amen.

Life Change?

How does a weekend at a fancy lake house change your perspective on life? How does flying across the water at 80 mph on a jet ski make you realize the importance of life? How does the American Dream get thrown away while enjoying every aspect of its comforts, enjoyment, and relaxation? When Jesus wrecks your world anything can happen.

I am not one for writing blogs but I know that I am about to go through a life change because God has been working on my heart for years. I know he has been placing me exactly where he wants me, even thought it is not exactly what I am looking for or even dreamed of.  The humor:

I swore up and down I'd never be a teacher... I am a teacher for children with special needs

I wanted to be at a fancy school where parents actually exist... God is sending me to children who need love

There is more, of that I am sure, but those are the two I know shine like stars right now. God knows exactly what he is doing... God knows that all I want to do is love those who are not loved because I am loved and I do not deserve it.  A few weeks ago when my cooperative teacher asked me why I wanted to be a teacher I told her simply, "I don't want to change the world, I just want to have a positive impact on one child's life and see where it goes from there..."

How easy is that? To show one child that someone out there loves them unconditionally... to see that smile upon their face, to take the fear away from their eyes and create a safe environment. I want this love inside of me to pour out on others who need it, who want it, who live off of it because that is how I am with my Jesus. It may not be Mexico, China, or Africa... but it is still reaching a child in need, a child desperately searching for love.

1 John 4:7  Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God.