There are some moments in my life where I realize that I have been lying to myself and others around me for so long without even knowing it. Sunday in church, I had that moment. Singing praises to God... I was forced onto my knees and had to really investigate the words I had been quoting. Did I really just tell God that I would surrender to him? These lyrics have a meaning... they are not just words and this is not the first time I've sung this song. There are 200+ people in here making the same commitment I am and I wonder how many actually know that they are telling God they will surrender to him. How am I supposed to sing these words and actually surrender to him? What am I even supposed to surrend... oh.
Every moment I am afraid, every moment I think I have it under control, every moment I believe I can't move on. Every moment that I am overjoyed, overwhelmed, confused, anxious, stressed, relieved. I am supposed to surrender to him.
Yet, how can my God carry all that weight, the huge burden of my all, your all, everyone's all?
Then I remember, my God is not small. My God is huge. My God is a comforter, the Alpha and Omega, the Beginning and the End. He opens the eyes of the blind, holds orphans in his arms, brings people back to life, shines light on the dark places... and still finds time to know every hair on our head, every freckle, every tear, every smile. He even gave up his son's life for you and me. That's a big God. One who cannot be defeated by death but can conquer darkness through death. That's when I realized that I want to surrender to him. I want to kneel at his feet and beg him to love me even when I don't have to. What a blessing.
My Heavenly Father,
I want to surrender all I have to you, my all. Lord take it and then use me how you would to your greater purpose. Lord I am making myself available because I know that your plan is greater than mine for yours involves eternity. Make my purpose known to me as I lay everything at your feet to pick up the cross. I have waved my white flag and am prepared for the path you will take me. I want to leave this Earth knowing that I gave my all to you and in the end you will look down on me with a smile and say "Well done, my good and faithful servant." Lord, this is hard for me... it is a leap of faith but one I am willing to take.