Falling in Love with Jesus - Exclusivity [Fall Series #3]

I remember the struggle I had the moment I realized that I needed to be exclusive with Jesus. He had been silently whispering to my heart, deny yourself. Deny yourself. Deny yourself. 

The moment I stopped giving him the cold shoulder and I had an "eye-to-eye" conversation that spiraled into a gut-wrenching crying fest, I began to realize that he doesn't just want me on Sundays, or during worship time.  No! He wants me all the time.

To understand how exclusive he wanted our relationship to be he began to show me glimpses of how he had always been with me throughout my life, whether or not I acknowledged him.

He was there holding me as I cried in the make-shift clubhouse when my best friend in the whole world, Brittany, had moved away unexpectantly. There he was in the form of a lady I babysat for taking me shopping for prom. There he was as a mentor guiding me towards freedom from the past.

As Jesus began to reveal himself, my pride in who he is began to grow. I wanted to be with him more and more. So I decide, taking up my cross [willingly denying myself and "dying" to my former life] was the least I could do for all he has done for me.

I knew I could lose some close friends, lose my reputation, and depending on where he sends me, my life.

Although the consequences were known, I began to walk with him anyway. I began praying for eyes to see the wounds this world so timidly wore behind the nearly perfected facade. That is when he sent me to Romania, a place I never thought I would be, I did not even know where it was on the map. Fear began to creep slowly in, yet it only drew me further and further into his presence. While I was there he straightened out who I was to him.

I was set apart. Ephesians 1:4
I was chosen. 1 Peter 2:9
I was redeemed. Galatians 5:1
I was made new. Galatians 2:20, Colossians 3:10, 2 Corinthians 5:17

I am here to tell you Jesus wants the same for you! He wants you to become exclusive with him, so he can show you exactly who you are to him. So write down who you are to him; review the love letter from your Prince.

Know that you are precious to Jesus. 
Remember that he adores you.

Find time today to sit in Jesus's presence and define your relationship with him. You have passed through the uncertainty into the option of living exclusively for him. Just be warned... once you decide to live purely for his glory, there is no turning back. 
However, trust me... it's worth it!

* * * * *

I have decided to follow Jesus,
I have decided to follow Jesus,
I have decided to follow Jesus.
No turning back. No turning back.

Though none go with me, I still will follow.
Though none go with me, I still will follow.
Though none go with me, I still will follow.
No turning back. No turning back.

Empty

So let me catch you up.

1. I am going on a mission trip in 21 days to Romania.

2. I was encouraged to do the Daniel Fast for 21 days.

3. I felt God calling me to journal about this experience, not for boasting but  on the contrary to show that I am weak, I need him, and I need accountability. 

Day 1.

Today is not even over yet and physically I feel exhausted.

Drained.

Empty.

My body is pounding and aching. My jaw his been clenched tight since about 11:30 this morning.

I spent the morning reading and praying, off and on. 

Then it got harder...

About 3:00 I texted a dear friend of mine as I laid in bed and told her I was dying. I was sure of it.

Her response spurred me...

She was right. Why did I turn to her in the midst of my despair? 

Her truth spoke straight to my heart. 

To Him I went, on my knees, hands wide open. I cried like a baby, tears pouring down my face because I am so weak... especially when it comes to food. Food is my temptation, it is my comfort, my worldly desire.

Then I noticed that this act of emptying me out to bring me to him is causing him to sort through my weaknesses in order to fill them with his strength.

In his strength he will set me free.

"Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free." John 8:32

I come to the One who made me asking to be set free.

I come to him on my knees, in my pain, throbbing head and aching body. He is emptying me of me, increasingly releasing me to become the one he created me to be. 

I've never been in this state before. I've done diets, fad diets, and cleanses, but they last 1-2 meals then I cave. This is different. This is not about me, this is about God, something greater than my feeble little self.

"As you follow Me, I lead you along paths of newness: ways you never imagined. Don't worry about what is on the road up ahead. I want you to find security in knowing me, the One who died to set you free." - Jesus Calling, Sarah Young

I want to know him so well that I will turn to him in times of need. To fall on my knees and cry out to him, "Oh! Lord I need you!  I want to be secure in you, to be made new!" This is the reason I am where I am today... right now. 

It is great how he works when you call upon him! I was going to skip ahead to tomorrow's devotional  and read 1 John 1:5-10 and I somehow managed to read 1:5-10 but of the wrong book in the bible. Stay with me a second, this is how great my God is!! He showed me 2 Peter 1:5-10 and it was exactly what I needed to hear today... here it is. 

"For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, mutual affection; and to mutual affection, love. For if you possess these qualities with increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of the Lord Jesus Christ. But whoever does not have them is nearsighted and blind, forgetting that they have been cleansed of their past sins." 

This is the way that we step closer to knowing God.

He has a plan for us right there... right there!

Better yet it builds. So it has a starting point - faith and ends with love. What I love most about this is that we start with faith, then we hope and pray for knowledge, we hope and pray  for self-control, we hope and pray for perseverance, we hope and pray for godliness, mutual affection... and then we end in love. 

Faith, Hope, and Love... and the greatest of these - the ending point! It's love!!

I'm finding myself stuck on step 4 on the road to know him better. As I gain self-control in the next few days (maybe weeks) through the Holy Spirit working in me, I will find that I will build on self-control with perseverance. Increasing. Enduring. Moving on the quality number 5 with increasing measure... because I long to know him more, to know my heart is right with the One who set me free.

Overwhelmed heart... that's for sure.