Sour Cream & Onion

This past month has been so hectic. I feel like I finally had time to breathe. Over these last few weeks I have been just trying to get paperwork in order and on Friday I decided I really needed a weekend so I took nothing home from work (except my computer so it wouldn't magically disappear). It was a rough weekend... sadly enough. I finally came to the realization that I had to face something that was way overdue. So after a lot of "discussing", my husband and I finally sat down and talked. Face to face. We decided that we needed to figure out a way to communicate, to get things done, and to just stop stressing out about our relationship. Yes! Don't get me wrong, things are good... really good, but sometimes you run into these moments where it's not right. A bump in the road, I guess you can say. So anyway... we sat down and we had an agenda. Haha! We made sure we hit every subject:

1. Finances (past weeks overview, this weeks budget and yearly goals)
2. Schedule this week (where will you be)
3. Chores (Who cleans what, who cooks when)
4. Prayers (family and friends)
5. Goals (yearly goals and how to get there -- 3 for each of us where 2 are personal and one is the spouses goal for the other person)
6. Then our weekly questions (found off of someone else's blog)
• How did you feel loved this past week?
• What does your upcoming week look like? (not schedule, emotional)
• How would you feel most loved and encouraged in the days ahead?
• How would you best feel pursued in intimacy this week?
• How can I pray for you this week?

So yes.... this is a lot of private information, but I think that it can help someone else, maybe. 

After we sat down and talked through all of this I felt like my love cup (since one on one time and conversation are two of my biggest needs) was overflowing. We were forced to w-a-l-k through these questions and really see how the other person felt. We were able to take responsibility for our home and divide the burdens evenly and willingly. We felt like a team and that little bump in the road that seemed to throw us off had been crossed over. Even better, we were back on the same spiritual connection that had been missing hidden behind mounds of homework and computer screens.

Isn't it funny how little things in life are just so big sometimes. Adam was telling me today that it is so amusing how we get excited about little things (sour cream & onion chips). We couldn't wait to eat sandwiches for dinner because we had these amazing chips!! It was so minute, but we were thrilled.  A lot like this agenda and fae to face conversation we had. We found a way to take pride in each other and our home. It was a little thing that made a huge difference.

God reminds us to enjoy things like this, moments of joy, moments of happiness.  

A joyful heart is good medicine. Proverbs 17:22 

Out of the Box

"Holy spirit you are welcome here,

come flood this place and fill the atmosphere.

Your glory God is what our hearts long for,

to be overwhelmed by your presence Lord."

Sometimes, I think that I put God in a box. A very small box. I ask God to fill his presence in my home, and at church. That's about it. I can just see me now with my little finger talking at God like he is a child, 

"Now... you cannot go into the formal living room or dining room unless I ask you or really need you to. But, you can always enter into the mud room and the play room but that's it. Okay, now go. Fill your presence in those rooms."

How wrong was I? How wrong have I been? God, overwhelm me while I am at church. Overwhelm me while I am doing a bible study. Just, don't interfere with my daily life. There comes the box again. Drawing lines for the creator of the universe. 

When I started this blog I was so excited about my new teaching job. Well, the summer has passed and HERE I AM! School starts in one week from today and I have this overwhelming feeling of excitement to meet my students, parents, and co-teachers. Yet, today I felt God make me take a step back and breathe. I felt like he was telling me... no let me rephrase that, I know he was telling me my purpose. To be his light to my students, to work for him, to pray for my colleagues, students, and my students parents. This is a big burden, I thought... and then this song was being sung... "Holy spirit you are welcome here, come flood this place and fill the atmosphere." and I thought, wow! God you want to follow me to work? And he said no. 

No? Well, okay maybe I am just making things up... then God does this little pause thing with me because my mind works like 100 miles per minute so he stops until I stop and silence myself. Then he continues, I want you to follow me at work. 

Follow you? 

God wants me to follow him. 

Like the "Follow me and I will make you fishers of men" kind of follow. And not just follow him he wants me to pray that his presence fills this place. 

Now, there is this whole ordeal of taking God out of schools. I get that. Right? Well, my God is telling me that I need to cross over those lines and bring him into my classroom, to invite his spirit in and to pray over my classroom and school. No, I won't be breaking any laws... I won't be "preaching" to my students but you know what! When someone looks at me they are going to see a difference because I am praying now as I write this and tomorrow when I go to school and every day there after, that I make a difference for God. On my hardest days I will remember that I am working for the Lord and not for people (Col 3:23), that  on the days that seem to be the craziest that I know for a fact in my heart that my God will NEVER leave me (Hebrews 13:5), on days when the world is screaming my name I will be still and remember who my king is and that he IS God! (Psalm 46:10).  This may seem impossible to some and sometimes I think it is impossible for me, but God told us once and I will tell you again that if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain move from here to there and it will move! (Matt 17:20). 

There went my mind at 100 miles per hour. Hope you caught it all. 

So I will follow God. I will invite the holy spirit into places that will shatter the box I put him in. My heart longs to sing the glory of God. I want to be that light because we were created to bring glory to God. (Romans 11:36) and not just bring him glory but put it on full display for everyone to see.

Red Light

Sometimes  life can be overwhelming. Rushed with  deadlines, meetings, early  mornings ending with late nights. Read this book. Review this  paper. Cook dinner. Do dishes, laundry, clean the house. Work on a relationship. Feed the dog. Workout.  Organize paperwork.  Pay the bills....  whew.  Rushed.

How  many times  do  we just work our  way out of a  relationship with God?

God: "Why didn't you spend  time with me today?"
Us: "Oh... I was just too busy.?
God "Too busy for Me?"
Us: "Yeah, you know like I had to do the laundry, dishes, work, walk the pets, feed the family, do groceries, budget, bills, catch up on The Housewives of Orange County, workout, make a new playlist, and beat that level of Angry Birds. You know...  I was really busy today. Maybe Sunday we can spend  time together."
God:  "Just 1 hour on Sunday?"
Us: "Yeah, that's all the time I've got in my planner, I can  probably squeeze you in 15 seconds before each meal if that is okay, unless I am with friends. Is that okay?"
God: "No."
Us: "Well, I'm sorry I just don't have time God. All this awesome stuff you gave me I have to deal with  now...  so I'm kind of stuck. It's not my fault I have  to keep up  with all of this. You're the one that gave it to me."

Hmm...  sound like you, maybe a little extreme but think about it. How much time do you really spend with God. I realized this today while I was out in nature on a trail run listening to "Rooftops"  by Jesus Culture. How much time do we really spend with the one  who gave us life, not just here on earth but  has  offered  us   life for eternity? He didn't have to, but he did.

I am so humbled by a God who could easily tell me he is too busy dealing with a billion other people to pay attention to me, but he doesn't. I am so humbled by a God who has other universes to deal with but offers to love me and hold me in his hand.  I am humbled by  the thought that he  doesn't just love me he cares enough to clothe me, feed me, and go even further and count every hair on my head and every cell on my body.

How can I not have enough time for him?

How can I not sit at his feet every day and offer my all?

How can I not turn the TV off, the game off, the music off and open his word?

I want to know God more, I want to know him as much as I can on this earth so that when I fall to my face at his feet in heaven I will not bring a tear to his eye. I want him to say "Well  done,  my good and faithful servant. My follower. My child. Come here and live with me FOREVER.  For you not only believed, you followed. For you not only followed, you were consumed by me. You craved every drop I had to offer and you poured it out only to be filled again. Come here."

That is what I want...  I don't want to be consumed by the business of this world.

Neither should you.

Take a  moment and look at your life. How is  it? Is it balanced? If it is balanced that's not good.  It should lean only one way ... it should lean toward God. You should be overflowing with him.

God didn't have to give you life, but he did.
You may  say you believe in him but do you follow him? Do you allow yourself to be filled up with his life, his  light?

(Pics are from Pinterest)

Why?

Have you ever asked yourself why things happen?

Let's go a step further... have you ever asked God why things happen?

God, why are there so many homeless people?

God, why are there orphans?

God, why are there people living in poverty?

God, why did that elderly person/child die of starvation?

God, why...?

Then God waits for you to pour out your frustration and calmly says:

"You tell me why."

*** 

Today, I was sitting at a stop light and there was a beggar on the side of the road. I quickly looked around my car to see if I had any fruit left over in my lunch box, or a box of crackers. I didn't. So, I just stared at him... trying to make eye contact to offer a smile. Then I asked God as I stared at this man's tattoos...

"God, why? Is he a fake? Is he real? Is he a father, a son?"

No reply.

Then a few hours later I took my puppy for a walk, I came home, made dinner, laid in bed and prayed about that man. Now I am here writing a blog because I felt compelled to speak (type). 

I am a beggar --- I beg for God's mercy every day.

I am a thief.

I am a liar.

I am a murderer (not literally).

I am disobedient.

I am undeserving of any attention from God but he dotes it on me, pours it out...

unceasingly.

Somehow, I still get God's love... but I can't even find the courage to pour out love on the "the least of these."

Donald Miller was once quoted saying,

"It was clear that I was to love everybody, be delightful at everybody's existence, and I had fallen miles short of God's aim."

How true is that? I have fallen short, and will always fall short of God's aim. However! That does not mean that daily I will aim my arrow to meet God's expectation. God is not setting me or you up for failure he is setting us up to go out of our comfort zone, to reach the unreachable and love the unlovable because that is what he has done for us. 

I will simply love.

I was called to love. However, in our culture love is overused.

I love my iPhone.

I love this song.

I love your new hair cut.

I love these shoes.

I love, I love, I love!

What does it even mean to love anymore? A word so overused I wish we could come up with a new word for true love.

Dictionary.com says that love means to have a strong liking for or to need.

The bible says that love is purposeful commitment to sacrificial action for another.

So when I ask God why there is poverty, why that man is lonely, why there are orphans... he says lack of love. Lack of love from Christians. Lack of love from parents. Lack of love from you.

Find your purpose in me, commit to me, then sacrifice yourself as I have sacrificed my own for you. Sacrifice your time that I have blessed you with to love others. 

Brady... simply love. simply sacrifice. simply live out your purpose in me.

Matthew 25:44-45

"They will answer, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or needing clothes or sick or in prison and did not help you?'

He will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me."

James 1:27

Religion that God our father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.

Lightening Storm

It was Monday afternoon and I had a summer cold. I was just finishing up Pride and Prejudice while slowly downing a whole ream of Saltine Crackers with a bowl of soup. I was tired of feeling yucky so I thought I'd go for a run. A 2.6+ mile trail run... yep, sweat out the sickness (much against my mom's - a nurse- advice). So me and Maggie my pup set off on a "fun" run, basically 400 feet uphill. Well, while we were 30 minutes into our run and coincidentally at the top of the hill a lightning storm hit. I could only tell because I was on the top of the hill and surrounded by lighting... ha. I began to panic. So on the way down I stopped and warned two girls making their way up the hill who could not see the lightening due to the brush and it still being daylight, they did not care much for my warning, nor did the old man who I ran into next. So I gave up, what's the use in warning every single person I pass if the first three people did not even care? So I passed 7 more people on the way and just waved - my stressed out I want to warn you danger is here all around us - wave.

Depressing.

I gave up so quickly. Not that anyone was hurt but they could have been.

How could I give up so easily on something when my whole life's purpose is to save people from death. To warn them that there is a storm coming. Yet, I gave up. God said that perseverance is key - it is what makes us mature and complete, never lacking anything.

I don't really have anything eloquent to say. It was just some thoughts I was having. I am just so blessed that I have a God who has never given up on warning me - even rescuing me.

Lyrical Commitment

"We raise our white flag, we surrender all to you... all to you" --- WAIT? What did I just say?

There are some moments in my life where I realize that I have been lying to myself and others around me for so long without even knowing it. Sunday in church, I had that moment. Singing praises to God... I was forced onto my knees and had to really investigate the words I had been quoting. Did I really just tell God that I would surrender to him? These lyrics have a meaning... they are not just words and this is not the first time I've sung this song. There are 200+ people in here making the same commitment I am and I wonder how many actually know that they are telling God they will surrender to him. How am I supposed to sing these words and actually surrender to him? What am I even supposed to surrend... oh.

All. 

Yeah. All. 

My:

marriage

future

job

worries

heart

battles

time

money

work

faith

My All.

Every moment I am afraid, every moment I think I have it under control, every moment I believe I can't move on. Every moment that I am overjoyed, overwhelmed, confused, anxious, stressed, relieved.  I am supposed to surrender to him. 

Yet, how can my God carry all that weight, the huge burden of my all, your all, everyone's all? 

Then I remember, my God is not small. My God is huge. My God is a comforter, the Alpha and Omega, the Beginning and the End. He opens the eyes of the blind, holds orphans in his arms, brings people back to life, shines light on the dark places... and still finds time to know every hair on our head, every freckle, every tear, every smile. He even gave up his son's life for you and me. That's a big God. One who cannot be defeated by death but can conquer darkness through death. That's when I realized that I want to surrender to him. I want to kneel at his feet and beg him to love me even when I don't have to. What a blessing. 

My Heavenly Father,

I want to surrender all I have to you, my all. Lord take it and then use me how you would to your greater purpose. Lord I am making myself available because I know that your plan is greater than mine for yours involves eternity. Make my purpose known to me as I lay everything at your feet to pick up the cross. I have waved my white flag and am prepared for the path you will take me. I want to leave this Earth knowing that I gave my all to you and in the end you will look down on me with a smile and say "Well done, my good and faithful servant." Lord, this is hard for me... it is a leap of faith but one I am willing to take. 

Lead me.

Amen.

Quiet!!

As I tried to calm myself in a chaotic room full of a bunch, 10 to be specific, of 3 year olds, my frustration only seemed to grow. "Hey class! Let's all play a game called 'sit on the mat'." Ha! What was I thinking? I think one kid looked at me like I insulted his intelligence. 


Ten minutes later...

• 2 students on the mat! WHOO HOO!
• 8 running around at the freedom their teacher left them with when I came in for her.

Fifteen minutes later...

• 9 students squirming uncontrollably on the mat and 1exhausted teacher (me) ready to read a book 
• Yes, the one student whose intelligence I insulted was still standing in the same spot staring quizzically at me.

Then I came up with an idea! I'm going to write their names down on the board and call them my "good listeners"! What a great idea! I hoped.


So I began to write... one name after another calling out the child individually, thanking them for their listening ears and bragging about them to the rest of the group. Eventually the class was silent (except for the one boy who raised his hand every 3 seconds asking if his name was on the board - which it was). As I finished writing the names I noticed that every child wanted their name called out. They wanted me to recognize them... they wanted to be called by name.


How many times are we like that with God? He quietly asks us to listen, to obey and yet we run around thinking we are in charge. My mind in that moment was immediately humbled; for when I do obey, when I listen and I see the light God shines on me I realize that it was all worth it. The giving up control and obeying was more exhilarating than running around in madness.


Be Still and know that I am God... Psalm 46:10

Then he told them what they could expect for themselves: "Anyone who intends to come with me has to let me lead. You're not in the driver's seat—I am. Don't run from suffering; embrace it. Follow me and I'll show you how. Self-help is no help at all. Self-sacrifice is the way, my way, to finding yourself, your true self. What good would it do to get everything you want and lose you, the real you? If any of you is embarrassed with me and the way I'm leading you, know that the Son of Man will be far more embarrassed with you when he arrives in all his splendor in company with the Father and the holy angels. This isn't, you realize, pie in the sky by and by. Some who have taken their stand right here are going to see it happen, see with their own eyes the kingdom of God."  Luke 9:23 The Message