Thursday, June 21, 2012

Asked for an Answer

I am a Thomas saying "Unless I see the nail marks in his hands and put my finger where the nails were... I will not believe." God has to put it right in front of my face to believe it. Jesus could knock on my front door and I'd ask to see his hands and his feet. Don't get me wrong... I have faith, but sometimes when it comes to big things beyond my belief I grow doubt. So I prayed, 
"God... I think that I am right that you really want me at this job in a place far from my home in an area so full of needy children. God... I sat through other interviews full of people I knew and did not get either job; now I am going to a place where I know no one. Is this where you want me? If it is, please bring a sign to my face, make it as obvious as the sun in the daytime. I'm serious God, not something that I have to read into... something obvious! Amen."
 And BAM! I was struck by lightening. Not really... actually I think it is quite funny how God works. Some of you may know what I am talking about. God shows you two signs instead of one. Well, the first one was the one I had to read into then the second one was like Jeff Foxworthy saying "Here's your sign."  Let me explain. I prayed this prayer, I prayed it hard. Not just once did I, not just in silence but with screaming kids in the pool, with a movie playing in front of me, with my husband talking about the oil field, with my brother texting me on my phone. I prayed and prayed and prayed because I wanted it to be obvious. Then I felt compelled by God to just open my bible, so I did and I did not turn a page because right in front of me underlined and highlighted and angels singing around it (not really) was this verse:
"Nothing can hinder the LORD from saving, whether by many or by few. Do all that you have in mind," his armor-bearer said. "Go ahead; I am with you heart and soul."  1 Samuel 13:4
I realized God was calling me to be his armor-bearer and believe, just like Jonathan's armor-bearer believed. To have faith - heart and soul faith. THAT'S HUGE. So I just had to make myself available to be used by God because as I sit here crying thinking about who would take this wonderful opportunity away from me if I had not made myself available for God I feel so blessed that I was chosen and indeed get to witness what is about to happen before me this next year. 

(Sign number 1... now sign number 2)


Okay, so the verse had a little impact on my faith. I still wanted to see the nail holes in Jesus' hand. So on my way back from swim lessons I got a phone call from my dear friend and this is the conversation as best as I can recall:
"Brady, I have bad news. Remember you were number two on our list to get the job at the new school... well we hired the other person. Well the person quit and now the position is available. So we called your principle and asked if we could have you, he said no."

TALK ABOUT OBVIOUS. God did not want me there, he wanted me with the children who need love, attention, patience, someone to bring them a smile on a cold day. God wanted me here, in a place where I thrive, a place that will bring real emotions every day, that will put me on my knees not only at night but during lunch, during conference, before and after school. A place that will humble me but make me grow stronger in him every day. That's where I am going, that's where I am meant to be. My element, my future... my place in this world is at a little school in a place where the children are rotating almost every two months and you will start one semester and end one semester with a totally different set of students because of the movement in this area. God gave me this job, he said Go... and I was available - heart and soul available.

1 comment:

  1. it took me quite a while to get through this. I kept putting my head down, and between laughter and tears, and a LOT of contemplating (because I KNOW my daughter!), I rejoiced.

    I am thinking of my daughter, "and a child shall lead them". which is exactly what she will be saying when she starts her new school.

    Thank you God for letting me borrow this little girl.