How Stepping Out Began.. Because Hiding Isn't Justified Anymore

Today was just an ordinary day.
4:45 roll out of bed.
4:50 run and turn the truck on - heater cranked up.
4:59 out the door
5:14 arrive at Crossfit
6:07 run 2 miles
6:35 rinse off, dress for work
7:01 quick stop for breakfast (friday treat)
7:13 arrive at my desk - throw my stuff down.
7:15 my favorite part of the day.

Quiet.
Head bowed.
Jesus? Do you hear me? I'm here, I've been waiting for this moment. I crave it every day. This quiet time before the rush. Can I just sit here with you and breathe... just take in your peace.











You refresh me. You do. You're glorious, my Savior. You, yes you are the one who is ALL Mighty. Who is beautiful. Who has legions of angels at his beckon call. You are the one who loves me more than your own life, more than pain, more than heart break. You do. You will never leave me, nor will you forsake me. My Precious King. Here I am... right here.

Right here before you saying I am unworthy of this meeting place. Of this moment. I am unworthy - a sinner I don't belong amidst your presence. Yet, you call it a lie. You have spoken saying that I am adopted, you are the atonement for my sin, masking it all. Erasing it all. Let me just breathe this moment in...





Forgive me for the monotony of my life. For the auto-draft hopes of redemption. You've called me to more than that... to more than just being a check in the mail. You've called me to proclaim... PROCLAIM your words - the good news - to the poor. You're beckoning me to GO and BIND up the brokenhearted wounds. You've commanded me to PROCLAIM freedom and RELEASE prisoners from their darkness. Yet, I sit here - auto-drafting redemption. Auto-drafting hope. My money is doing more than I am... so God, forgive me. Forgive me of hiding behind wealth and prosperity. Forgive me - and here I am now... open arms saying SEND ME! HERE I AM... Send Me. Choose me, because my heart has changed and I want to do more for you, I want to be all for you.

Send me.

Send me to battle alongside you. Whatever that looks like - whatever battle you have chosen to prepare me for, I know, in the sense of not knowing exactly how, that you are preparing me for the fight.  So send me... when you're ready. Not when I think I am, or when I think I am not... but when you, in your infinite knowledge and your glorious plan, are ready.

Amen.

Then it hit me... I'm stepping out today ready, for the first time in a long time - I'm ready.

Searching for Stones

The words marched out of my mouth like a song that has been played too many times. I had memorized the text in front of me, I only glanced to ensure accuracy. The students eyes stared at me as I pleaded with them to follow along. We've worked hard the past few weeks, multiple forms of activities, hands on, drilling, group and individual assignments... what else could we have done to guide them to this moment ensuring success?

Not much, unless more time was an option. 

So there they were, small groups of 5-11. I read the test aloud, encouraged them to attempted strategies that are taught daily in order to increase their chance of success. Yet only a few attempted. The rest... the rest just guessed! Forget the hard work, it's long gone... they don't want to be here. Maybe they have seen failure too often; I see it pouring out of their eyes, they believe it doesn't matter if they show evidence, no strategy will help them. 

My heart breaks, I become frustrated (with all my strength I try not to show it). The words desperately tumble out of my mouth again and again, "Please, use your strategies. Go back and justify your answer. Prove it! You have it in you to succeed, it just matters how much you're willing to try." 

Then she looks at me, "Are you serious Mrs. Palacios?" 

I nod my head. 

She nods hers, imitating the last glimpse of hope in my eyes.

So she tried... she really tried. 

The sweet girl who cried the last time she worked hard and still failed. The girl whom we (co-teacher and I) told... your time will come, don't give up. She didn't. That one girl, worked hard and soaked the ambitious words into her heart and ventured into the face of her giant pulling her strategies out one-by-one. My gosh, she put in effort... and success was hers to hold.

How many times in our life are we one of those discouraged children, who have been drilled over and over again, strategy after strategy, skill upon skill, and when the time comes to put it to the test we automatically raise the white flag?

Finished without a fight. 

What if David had eyed the Giant and timidly scurried away, just at one glance? There would be no fearless hero who won with a pocket full of a mere 5 stones ready to face adversity. 

A heart filled with confidence in the teacher, the LORD Almighty, and a handful of stones... he knew his strategies had defeated the most daring bears and lions, but would he trust his teacher and heart enough to face the most dreaded task? You see, David had practiced in all circumstances except against a human giant. However, when his world collided with opposition he didn't disappear. NO! He grabbed a significant tool, glared his giant in the eyes, and pitched the stone at the enemy who approached as if to engulf the young boy. 

I want to be like David, but so many times in life I am like my students. I want to be like the young girl who trusted me, pulling out the strategies she learned in her co-teach room. It was possible. She knew it, David knew it... do you acknowledge the possibility as well?  The possibility to defeat your giants? Do you have your stones? David only needed one... but he still held 4 more in his pocket. 

What are your stones?

The stones our God has taught you to use. 

Have you not acknowledged them yet, or have you used them over and over again?

I encourage you friend... because I need encouragement. I have found 3 stones that are significant when I face giants in my life. Stones that strengthen my wobble in the rage of a giant. Stones that put God first, empty me, and fill me with the spirit of strength... not timidity. Stones that scream, "THERE IS NO ROOM FOR ME! ONLY THE ONE WHO HAS DEFEATED THIS WORLD!" Stones that tug at my heart strings and I use them, because they will bring trust, hope, and a triumphant roar!

Then he took his staff in his hand, chose five smooth stones from the stream, put them in the pouch of his shepherd's bag, and with his sling in his hand, approached the Philistine. 

Meanwhile, the Philistine, with his shield bearer in front of him, kept coming closer to David. He looked David over and saw that he was little more than a boy, glowing with health and handsome, and he despised him. He said to David, "Am I a dog, that you come at me with sticks?" And the Philistine cursed David by his gods. "Come here," he said, " and I'll give your flesh to the birds and the wild animals!"

David said to the Giant, "You come against me with sword... but I come against you in the name of the LORD Almighty...",

As the Philistine moved closer to attack him, David ran quickly toward the battle line to meet him. Reaching in to his bag and taking out a stone, he slung it and struck the Philistine on the forehead. The stone sank into his forehead, and he fell facedown on the ground.

1 Samuel 17: 40-45, 48-49